hello all you faces in the dark. well i am in a bit of a predicament. right now im 26 living at home saving up mad loot for a house.

i have a girlfriend of 9 months.

i currently am shopping for a house, she wants "us" to get a place.

but im not really ready for that sort of a living situation yet in my life, let alone with a girl ive only known 9 months..

what do you people think is the best way to get her to stop begging and understand that i love her and all and love being with her, but am just not ready for the married type life yet?

ladies please chime in!

just have her read this post

She also always nags me to sleep over at her parents house with her parents and sister around.. I refuse because I am a good little catholic boy and dont care if "her mom doesnt care" or whatever. argh!

I understand your situation entirely. Truth is, I was in the exact same boat, but with my gf for 4 1/2 years... ended up braking up with her. Good thing she didn't move in with me! You just have to be honest with her and tell her you're not ready to live with someone. Blame it on your parents not approving or the fact that you want to make the house your bachelor pad for a while. GL!

right now im 26 living at home saving up mad loot for a house....


i currently am shopping for a house, she wants "us" to get a place.


Be VERY careful here. YOU have been saving up YOUR money for a house. If you end up getting it with her, DO NOT let her have her name on ANY of the paperwork. You need to be 10000% positive that she has NO legal claim to any part of it. I'm sure you do love her, but let's face it....stuff happens. Heck, I wouldn't even move in together until you're married. I know all of that sounds harsh, but I've seen so many guys get screwed over by stuff like this.

Get an apartment for a few years with her and keep saving ... you will find out what she is really like after living with her for a few years and you dont have to worry about a house being in the way if things fall apart.

Cant help you there....Girls have strange powers......I moved back home last year and planned on saving money to buy my own home.....next thing I know, I meet a girl and 4 months later we were signing on OUR new home...WTF :question: Happened? Now Im in engaged and its only been a year....but its going really good.....As for you, you need to man up and tell her how you really feel :P Nah, im just kidding, dont ever tell a chick how you really feel....just tell her you are not ready to live with each other cause you are affraid it will ruin what you two have now.... :lalala:

Looking at this stricktly from a financial standpoint, I'd say stay where you are. Just explain to her that if you get an appartment you will be throwing away hundreds of dollars a month on rent. All of which would have been saved towards a house if you continue to live at home for a while. Once you have enough, maybe you will be ready to marry her. THEN you can move in together and live happily ever after.

here is a female perspective...if you aren't ready, simply don't do it, you will regret it and get ____ed at her for feeling pressured...and when the fights come...it will definitely come up in the topic. If you want a house, get a house (like the other guy said---in your own name, not hers) -it is way better than renting, but only if you can afford it. Tell her you want to have your own personal responsibilities and do this on your own before her or any other roommate moves in. If she doesn't understand, then she is insecure and selfish. I bet she would want her space in her own place..... She could come over on weekends and spend the night, but go back to her parents house during the week....until your relationship grows a little more...9 months isn't that long of a time, you guys are still in the "impress" one another stage.

How old is she?

right now im 26 living at home saving up mad loot for a house....


i currently am shopping for a house, she wants "us" to get a place.


Be VERY careful here. YOU have been saving up YOUR money for a house. If you end up getting it with her, DO NOT let her have her name on ANY of the paperwork. You need to be 10000% positive that she has NO legal claim to any part of it. I'm sure you do love her, but let's face it....stuff happens. Heck, I wouldn't even move in together until you're married. I know all of that sounds harsh, but I've seen so many guys get screwed over by stuff like this.

Yeah, I have to agree with this. The only way Id say that both names should be on it is if both have put in a lot of money together. If its just your money, it should be in your name.

Don't let her have anything to do with it financially like matt said. That is a gold digging scheme and a half. I've known my girl for over 6 years and neither one of us would ever get a house together. If she stays with you, she pays rent. Draw up a lease for her. It sounds retarded but after only nine months she should know better. Don't let her use her female voodoo on you. In the future if you get married to her she'll get the house anyways so she doesn't need to be on the paperwork when you buy it.

If he has $$ saved then who cares about the apartment cost .... its better to live with someone and not have a house or kids tied into the situation

No way dude. Only reason i say this is because what you said in your OP. If you are not ready it will detroy your relationship because you will eventually resent her for it. I live with my girlfriend but I was stoked at the thought of it. I was ready, if I wasn't and was feeling like you are no way I would have done it.

Plus I have this rule. It takes 12 months to truly know your significant other. Until you have been with them through all 4 seasons surprises can be plentiful.

Best of luck though!

Sleep over once and make her regret it. I'm sure she won't be nagging to move in anymore.

Plus I have this rule. It takes 12 months to truly know your significant other. Until you have been with them through all 4 seasons surprises can be plentiful.

Best of luck though!

I have a 24month rule. I think 12months is still your glory months and 25+ months becomes reality. .... either good reality or bad. :nails: :rofl:

See that's the thing about moving in with a girlfriend. If she wants you to get your own place, get YOUR own place, but don't get yourself in a situtation where she has the right to your place.

I was actually just talking with my gf about this as well. I worked my tail off since highschool, saved through college by working at night and worked even harder during vacations, now I am doing my MS and is still working while studing, plus now I teach labs. Guess what, since my parents will be paying the down payment of a house for me (1/3 of the total cost of the house), and I have saved up enough to pay off most of the house as well (having 5/6 of a 320k house paid off, including the funding of my parents), I am not going to let anybody have easy access to the result of my hard work.

Same reason I don't let people touch my cars, I saved up and paid cash for them.

I have been living with my girlfriend for 4 years now in an apartment, and now that I am buying a house, she can come live with me at MY place. That's kinda how I explained it. But of course, I had to give her the priviledge of doing all that she wants to the interior, backyard, and front yard. I get to call it "mine" on a sheet of paper.

If he has $$ saved then who cares about the apartment cost .... its better to live with someone and not have a house or kids tied into the situationYou can't be serious with that advice. Renting an appartment might be the only option many people have, but it is almost never a good financial move. Rent is throwing money away. Buying a home is an investment. Unless you pay way too much or buy in a really bad area, you're almost always going to have an asset that appreciates in value.
And I also disagree that it's better to live with someone. I feel it's better to date and get to know the person until you're ready to get married. Then you move in together...not before. Call me old fashioned, but that 's the way I see it.

My advice is to figure out if this is 'the one' before dealing with all the bellyaching.

More advice. Talk to married guys. Not married people. Married GUYS. And don't just hear what they have to say... LISTEN to their message. Just about every married guy I know is miserable, but luckily for them they have no clue about their condition.

Lastly... Girls, as much as I love them, ____ you off when they move in. Little things, like toilet paper in every trashcan in the house, squeezing the toothpaste from the middle, organizing... don't even get me started on organizing, because organizing has like it's own little subcategory of ____ing me off. They 'organize', but then forget where they put stuff, or don't know the names of the things they organized. If it's something they hate, it gets organized all the way to the dump. You never hear a guy say, "Y'know... I think this shrub would look better on the other side of the walkway." We don't care where the shrub is... know why? It's a shrub!

Hmm... this ended up being a little more involved than the three sentences I envisioned. Good luck.

Just about every married guy I know is miserable, but luckily for them they have no clue about their condition.
That's pretty sad. Maybe you just need different friends. I've been happily married for 20 years to the love of my life. I would be miserable without her.
I love the part about the shrub though. Very true! :rofl:

Funny how I always hear about my friends' spouses like "Nag this, nag that. That _______, that _____, etc." And yet I never hear, "My spouse is the ____, you know what he/she did for me yesterday?..." :ponder:

Wow. Mostly men chimed in here. And wow....for once I agree with most of them. :nails:

I'll give u the example of my cousin. Dated then got engaged with this guy. 9 years together. They moved in and after 2 months he broke up with her.

Now I'm sure there were other reasons for that but the fact that living together is completely different than seeing each other for the day and then ciao is true.

Why not (as someone above mentioned) stay with yr family a while longer so you can both save more and see where the relationship with the girl is going? This will buy you time to reflect as well as saving up more :wink:

Funny how I always hear about my friends' spouses like "Nag this, nag that. That butthole, that biscuit, etc." And yet I never hear, "My spouse is the poop, you know what he/she did for me yesterday?..." :ponder:So you don't know any happily married people who actually love their spouse? I kinda doubt that. I think some guys will complain about their wives to their friends to get a laugh, but the truth is they are very happy. Sure, there are times when my wife will get on my nerves...just like I get on hers. But I wouldn't trade being married to her for anything.

Stay where you are. Save more money. See where the relationship leads. More money in hand will make getting a mortgage MUCH easier on you. The timeframe will also give you the opportunity to get to know one another better. If she can't comprehend your choice to do so, then tell her to take a hike. She wasn't worth the crap she was full of anyway.

Sleep over once and make her regret it. I'm sure she won't be nagging to move in anymore.

Go with that guys idea.

if u dont want to then dont

just tell her ur not ready

trust ur gut instinct

i wish i did lol

tell her:

http://www.northernsun.com/images/thumb/0283.jpg

Funny how I always hear about my friends' spouses like "Nag this, nag that. That butthole, that biscuit, etc." And yet I never hear, "My spouse is the poop, you know what he/she did for me yesterday?..." :ponder:So you don't know any happily married people who actually love their spouse? I kinda doubt that. I think some guys will complain about their wives to their friends to get a laugh, but the truth is they are very happy. Sure, there are times when my wife will get on my nerves...just like I get on hers. But I wouldn't trade being married to her for anything.
They all say they love their spouse, well almost all of them. But you'd never guess it the way they talk about them or treat them or the situations they're in. I think people just trick themselves into thinking that way so they'll rationalize their decision to rashly bind themselves to another being.
tell her:
http://www.northernsun.com/images/thumb/0283.jpg
:rofl: that's effin' perfect.

Funny how I always hear about my friends' spouses like "Nag this, nag that. That butthole, that biscuit, etc." And yet I never hear, "My spouse is the poop, you know what he/she did for me yesterday?..." :ponder:So you don't know any happily married people who actually love their spouse? I kinda doubt that. I think some guys will complain about their wives to their friends to get a laugh, but the truth is they are very happy. Sure, there are times when my wife will get on my nerves...just like I get on hers. But I wouldn't trade being married to her for anything.
They all say they love their spouse, well almost all of them. But you'd never guess it the way they talk about them or treat them or the situations they're in. I think people just trick themselves into thinking that way so they'll rationalize their decision to rashly bind themselves to another being.

Wow, dude. You really have a cynical view of marriage. I’m sorry to see that. Many people today treat it as a throw-away relationship with no real value. I personally see it as one of the most important foundational institutions of civilized society. All I can tell you is, yes, there are plenty of genuinely happy married couples out there.

^ I think that many people crash and burn because living with someone is different then going out with them. Anybody who had roomates in college can tell you that you will eventually get into a fight with them (atleast once) and the whole group (i had 3 roomates becides me) has to get together and become friends again. This goes for living with a woman .... you need to fight and be able to work things out. If you cant work things out now you will never be able to in the future. That is why I said to rent a place for a year or two ...just to see how things work. If you have $$ saved and it wont hurt you to rent ...go for it. Ide say that if you are already going out for 9months that you should wait on getting a place for atlteast another 6 months. Divoce rate is actually at a lower point now and I think its because people are thinking more about their relationships instead of jumping into them.

Wow, dude. You really have a cynical view of marriage. I’m sorry to see that. Many people today treat it as a throw-away relationship with no real value. I personally see it as one of the most important foundational institutions of civilized society. All I can tell you is, yes, there are plenty of genuinely happy married couples out there.
The grass must be hella greener over in Hanover... I don't really consider myself too cynical, just more of a realist. Are you a religious person? Most people here don't go into marriage for love or religion. It's mainly for financial stability.

Most people here don't go into marriage for love or religion. It's mainly for financial stability.

That's just sad.

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Marriage Not The Goal For All Cohabiting Couples

Last Updated: 2002-11-21 10:00:31 -0400 (Reuters Health)

By Alison McCook

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Approximately one quarter of women living with a man say they don't ever plan on marrying him, according to new study findings.

This result suggests that for many people, living together is not a step on the road to marriage, study author Dr. Wendy D. Manning of Bowling Green State University in Ohio told Reuters Health.

More couples live together out of wedlock than ever before, and the reasons why some roommates prefer to stay unwed likely vary, she said. Some may believe that marriage would not alter their situation enough to make it worthwhile. Others may move in with a mate with no plans to marry him, Manning suggested, preferring the intimacy and companionship that comes from a roommate, and not from a date or husband.

Others may have previously imagined they and their boyfriends would marry, but reconsidered after sharing a residence, Manning added.

"They might learn from cohabitation that they really don't want to marry them," she said.

Manning and her co-author, Dr. Pamela J. Smock of the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, determined the future wedding plans of 772 women who said they were living with their boyfriends by asking the question: "Do you expect to marry your current boyfriend?"

The findings are published in the November issue of the Journal of Family Issues.

Although many respondents said they believed they would never wed their partners, Manning explained in an interview that cohabiting does not appear to be replacing marriage, for just as many Americans are marrying now as before.

"So there are a lot of people who are cohabiting, they want to get married some time, but they don't know when, or with whom," she said.

Interestingly, she noted that one factor often linked to whether or not a woman said she expected to marry her partner was his income and education, with women partnered with men who have a lower income or educational background less likely to say they plan to marry. This relationship held true regardless of how much money the woman was making, Manning noted.

These findings do not suggest that money is always a woman's number one priority, Manning cautioned. Rather, she said that she suspects that these women believe that economic stability is a condition of marriage, and they don't want to marry--and perhaps have children--without feeling financially secure.

In terms of why more unwed people are living together than previously, Manning explained that the age at which people are getting married has shown a "steady rise" over the years. And extra time before matrimony gives people the opportunity to have relationships and live with people other than their future spouses, she noted.

Im not saying thats not correct but its from 2002 ^

True. I was just adding fuel to the fire by throwing out a "Professional" point of view on the subject.

http://granitegrok.com/pix/female_equation.jpg

Best. Math. Ever.

actually that's the root of all evil not problems... but similar idea.

Now that I think of it though, the whole "women need a financially stable man" seems to tie into biology perfectly well. Back when we were cavedwellers the man would need to provide food and shelter for the woman and kids. The caveman that can't doesn't get to breed. Seems about equivalent to marriage now-a-days. Meh, I still ain't getting married regardless.

Ay yi yi so tonight she says "why dont you want to live with me" and i said "look im just not ready, i dont think we are ready, i dont want to ruin waht we have, we have only been together for 9 months" and the night there after was all awkward cuz she is al ____ed and sad at teh same time. gRRRR!!!! if she brings it up again shes gettin the boot, im sick of this pressure to live wtih her.,

Simple. Are you married? No. End of story.

gRRRR!!!! if she brings it up again shes gettin the boot, im sick of this pressure to live wtih her.,

I think you should follow through with that. How old is she .... im trying to get the "GRRR" image in my head. hehe.

DANGER!! DANGER!!

Ok, here's my take on the situation, based off of halfway skimming through the previous posts:

It is my educated guess that this girl is eying you for a meal ticket.

Not to say that you aren't an awesome dude or anything, but what you are about to learn is that there is no aphrodisiac that a single man can sport that has the intoxicating powers that equity has. You are going to start having more wool thrown at you than every guy in your age bracket, and I don't care what they drive. But, there's a downside to this soon to be free for all: the women that are going to be going after you are not only going to be smoking hot, but they are also going to have claws baby, giant, long sharp claws that they will use to dig deep into your soul. And man, are they going to be vindictive when they feel they have been burned (note, you don't have to actually burn them, they just have to percieve they are burned in their messed up processing centers they call a brain).

See, the girls that throw themselves at the dudes because of their rides, they haven't figured things out yet. They still associate cars with wealth because MTV programmed that into them, and they aren't bright enough to know any different, and this makes them relatively harmless. Females that have broken out of that high school mentality are much more dangerous, because they are smart and know how to extract revenge.

A young male with a house they own sends out all kinds of signals that are simply too irresistable to the opposite sex. You're going to have to screen women as if you just won the power ball.

and I'm not exaggerating. not even a little bit. take the steps to protect yourself.