cherryBox
11-25-2005, 12:05 AM
For Thanksgiving, my ex-wife Lisa invited the kids and I to her Mom's house. Lisa's sister, who had just had back surgery, showed up with a huge jar of Vicodin. She just took out handfuls and started passing them out to everyone like they were jellybeans or something. Well, long story short: they baked the ham with the plastic still on it, incinerated a turkey in the gas grill -- not realizing that when you close the lid on a gas grill, the fire does not go out; one of the aunts, thinking they were cranberry soda, gave wine coolers to all of the kids, including five-year old Nicole, who we found later in the closet holding an empty pan after she'd eaten an entire cheesecake single-handedly, one of the fathers-in law examined everything in the house with a big magnifying glass -- Sherlock Holmes style-- while repeating the phrase "This thing works great!" , another Aunt decided that just before dinner would be a great time to gather everyone together and tell them that her sister's husband had raped her Twenty years ago, and in lieu of grace, Lisa's mom told a joke that was so foul that sailors on the next block threw up.
It was the best Thanksgiving ever.
It was the best Thanksgiving ever.