HR_Guy
02-15-2008, 10:53 PM
I work in HR for an IT company, so I screen hundreds of resumes each week. One of them I got today from an ad we had online for a network administrator, and this is the cover letter I got (all in caps):
DEAR RECRUITER,
I KNOW YOU GET PLENTY OF RESUMES EACH DAY BUT LET ME TELL YOU HOW I AM BETTER AND THEY ALL SUCK. MY NAME IS (I'll leave it blank) I AM 6 FOOT TALL 225 POUNDS OF RAW STEEL MUSCLE
I HAVE FOUGHT IN THE TOUGHMAN CONTEST 5 TIMES AND ALWAYS MADE IT TO THE FINAL NIGHT OF THE FINALS,IN SOME OF MY BOXING AND KICKBOXING MATCHES MY COMPETION WERE 25 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME.
THEN I MOVED ON TO OPEN MY TOTAL NUDE GENTLEMEN'S CLUB AND OPERATED THAT FOR 1 YEAR. I COULD NOT TAKE THE DANCERS THEY WERE DUMBER THAN A BOX OF ROCKS AND DROVE ME CRAZY.
NEXT I OPENED A BAR AND RESTURANT IT WAS CALLED . . . . WHICH WAS IN A TWO COLLEGE TOWN THAT WERE RIVALS ONE BEING COLGATE UNIVERSITY, WHICH IS AN IVY LEAUGE HIGH CLASS PREPPY SCHOOL THE SECOND COLLEGE SUNY MORRISVILLE WHICH BROUGHT IN A LOWER CLASS CLIENTAL FROM NYC WHICH BROUGHT IN DRUGS, GUNS, AND FIGHTS. THESE TWO SCHOOLS WOULD BUTT HEADS AND I HANDLED ALL THE PROBLEMS MOSTLY BY MYSELF IN HOUSE. WE ARE TALKING BETWEEN 200 AND 300 HUNDRED PEOPLE PER NIGHT.
BEING VERY STREET WISE I CAN SPOT A PROBLEM AND STOP IT BEFORE IT HAPPENS BUT IF NEEDED I CAN RESPOND LIKE LIGHTING BECAUSE SOMETIMES IT CAN BE A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH.
NO ONE HAS EVER GOTTEN HURT IN MY CLUB BUT I CAN TELL YOU I DO HAVE A NICE COLLECTION OF KNIVES AND GUNS FROM A SELECT FEW OF MY PATRONS.
I KNOW YOU PROBABLY GET A LOT OF WEIRD PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY CAN DO A JOB LIKE THIS I JUST WOULD LIKE TO LET YOU KNOW I AM FOR REAL. I AM NOT BLOWING SMOKE UP YOUR @SS.
Seriously, I could almost write a book about all of the wierd resumes, names, cover letters, email addresses, etc. that I've come across in my years of doing this. I almost wanted to bring this guy in for an interview just to give me a good laugh.
DEAR RECRUITER,
I KNOW YOU GET PLENTY OF RESUMES EACH DAY BUT LET ME TELL YOU HOW I AM BETTER AND THEY ALL SUCK. MY NAME IS (I'll leave it blank) I AM 6 FOOT TALL 225 POUNDS OF RAW STEEL MUSCLE
I HAVE FOUGHT IN THE TOUGHMAN CONTEST 5 TIMES AND ALWAYS MADE IT TO THE FINAL NIGHT OF THE FINALS,IN SOME OF MY BOXING AND KICKBOXING MATCHES MY COMPETION WERE 25 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME.
THEN I MOVED ON TO OPEN MY TOTAL NUDE GENTLEMEN'S CLUB AND OPERATED THAT FOR 1 YEAR. I COULD NOT TAKE THE DANCERS THEY WERE DUMBER THAN A BOX OF ROCKS AND DROVE ME CRAZY.
NEXT I OPENED A BAR AND RESTURANT IT WAS CALLED . . . . WHICH WAS IN A TWO COLLEGE TOWN THAT WERE RIVALS ONE BEING COLGATE UNIVERSITY, WHICH IS AN IVY LEAUGE HIGH CLASS PREPPY SCHOOL THE SECOND COLLEGE SUNY MORRISVILLE WHICH BROUGHT IN A LOWER CLASS CLIENTAL FROM NYC WHICH BROUGHT IN DRUGS, GUNS, AND FIGHTS. THESE TWO SCHOOLS WOULD BUTT HEADS AND I HANDLED ALL THE PROBLEMS MOSTLY BY MYSELF IN HOUSE. WE ARE TALKING BETWEEN 200 AND 300 HUNDRED PEOPLE PER NIGHT.
BEING VERY STREET WISE I CAN SPOT A PROBLEM AND STOP IT BEFORE IT HAPPENS BUT IF NEEDED I CAN RESPOND LIKE LIGHTING BECAUSE SOMETIMES IT CAN BE A MATTER OF LIFE OR DEATH.
NO ONE HAS EVER GOTTEN HURT IN MY CLUB BUT I CAN TELL YOU I DO HAVE A NICE COLLECTION OF KNIVES AND GUNS FROM A SELECT FEW OF MY PATRONS.
I KNOW YOU PROBABLY GET A LOT OF WEIRD PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY CAN DO A JOB LIKE THIS I JUST WOULD LIKE TO LET YOU KNOW I AM FOR REAL. I AM NOT BLOWING SMOKE UP YOUR @SS.
Seriously, I could almost write a book about all of the wierd resumes, names, cover letters, email addresses, etc. that I've come across in my years of doing this. I almost wanted to bring this guy in for an interview just to give me a good laugh.