the official scionlife joke thread!!! post 'em here
niiice
Senior Member
SL Member
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 151
From: Kansas City, MO
Four Animals girls need
A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life are four animals, just like my Mom always says".
The teacher asked, "Really? And what four animals would they be?"
The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for it all."
A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life are four animals, just like my Mom always says".
The teacher asked, "Really? And what four animals would they be?"
The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for it all."
Thread Starter
Senior Member
SL Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 13,961
i failed this test
/////////////////////////////
I DARE you not to laugh!
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:
1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water
down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to
hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using
the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to
use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't
move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use
the duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them...
Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY
GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE
WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
/////////////////////////////
I DARE you not to laugh!
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:
1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water
down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to
hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using
the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to
use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't
move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use
the duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them...
Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY
GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE
WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
Senior Member
SL Member
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 344
From: Fargo, ND
So my fiancée tells me to meet her at her parents house. I knock on the door and her erotic little sister answers. She tells me that she isn’t home, but I should come in because she needs to talk to me.
She tells me that she has been attracted to me since the day she saw me. But now that I am marrying her sister, she may never have a chance to live out one of her fantasies. She walks up the stairs and says, “I’ll be in my room if you’re interested.” She then pulls her panties off underneath her skirt and throws them down the stairs at me.
I immediately open the front door and walk outside. As I’m going down the porch, the father jumps out from behind the shrubs and throws out his arms. “I’m so proud of you, you passed our little test. Now I can give you my daughter’s hand, knowing how faithful you are to her.”
The moral of the story….. Always keep your condoms in the car.
She tells me that she has been attracted to me since the day she saw me. But now that I am marrying her sister, she may never have a chance to live out one of her fantasies. She walks up the stairs and says, “I’ll be in my room if you’re interested.” She then pulls her panties off underneath her skirt and throws them down the stairs at me.
I immediately open the front door and walk outside. As I’m going down the porch, the father jumps out from behind the shrubs and throws out his arms. “I’m so proud of you, you passed our little test. Now I can give you my daughter’s hand, knowing how faithful you are to her.”
The moral of the story….. Always keep your condoms in the car.
Senior Member
SL Member
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 344
From: Fargo, ND
During role call, the teacher notices that Billy is absent.
Teacher- Johnny, did Billy walk to school with you today?
Johnny- Yeah, but he had to go to the ER.
Teacher- That’s horrible! What happened??
Johnny- We cut across a construction yard today. Billy slipped off the fence and landed on a pole. It tore his a-hole wide open, so he had to go to the hospital.
Teacher- Rectum, Johnny, rectum…
Johnny- Rectum? Darn near killed him!!
Teacher- Johnny, did Billy walk to school with you today?
Johnny- Yeah, but he had to go to the ER.
Teacher- That’s horrible! What happened??
Johnny- We cut across a construction yard today. Billy slipped off the fence and landed on a pole. It tore his a-hole wide open, so he had to go to the hospital.
Teacher- Rectum, Johnny, rectum…
Johnny- Rectum? Darn near killed him!!