There's off topic threads about songs and photography, why not one about funny/inspirational/memorable quotes?

Post up some quotes from movies/friends/idols that made you think, laugh, or view the world in a different way.

Let's see what you got!



“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan


‎"You have to look at what you have right in front of you, at what it could be, and stop measuring it against what you've lost. I know this to be wise and true, just as I know that pretty much no one can do it."
— Jonathan Tropper


"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
— Martin Luther King Jr.

 

I like quotes that make me laugh and this is the funniest thing I've heard today.

"It was designed by someone who only had a ruler." Jeremy Clarkson on the Cadillac CTS-V

 

"Ask your girl what my dick taste like"

-Emmure

lol

 

Hahaha gmc I love emmure. Best concert I've been to.

As for a quote: "why trust someone who bleeds for a week and doesn't die?"

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

im friends with frankie and jesse, went to HS with them lol

 

No kidding! Thats sick man! That was like one of the most intense shows I've been too but like so much fun.

 

"Did you hear about the new LeBron phone?
It only vibrates. No rings."

 

"I'm in shape.....round is a shape"

 

Everyone dies. I intend to deserve it. -Joey Comeau

 

"If you don't like me, it's because I don't want you to"

-Me- lol

 

hahah quoting yourself? genius.

 

History Lesson Quote:

A group of Americans, retired teachers, recently went to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."

The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any damn Frenchmen to show it to."

 

/\ /\ /\ that's classic ranger! hahahahaha

 

"Yes Im a hater because there's a good reason why I hate you"

"You aren't being hated on. People just flat out don't like you"

 

*Like! hahaha

 

"God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time."
— Terry Pratchett (Good Omens)

 

"To ask is but a moments shame, but to not ask and remain ignorant is a life's shame" - Kano, Jigoro

"A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials" - Chinese proverb

 

i guess this kinda fits, and i laughed until i cried because its quickly becoming true...

"Over 5000 years ago, Moses said to Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." When Welfare was introduced, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land." Today, the government has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land to China." -quote on facebook.