Rabid_Lemming

I hate to get sappy on you guys, but I figure this is a fairly safe place for me to bleed out a bit. Sorry for this guys, and I accept that I'll get some mocking comments, but that's all part of the fun right?

It sucks so much that those you love the most can cause you the deepest, most heart-rending, long lasting pain. For the lucky few, this can lead you to cross that thin line between love and hate. When you live in that hate, you can let it drive you on and move on with your life. For a sad few people, they cross that line, and then come back. I can't understand how I could still have such deep feelings for this girl when she hurt me so bad. For a while I was a pretty angry man. I even let an altercation happen so I could take out some of the rage. All that left me with was a hollow feeling of triumph for a day or two and a broken hand. I hate the fact that I still think about her, and that I still care. I hate the fact that no matter what I do, she will always hold a place in my heart. I know that part of her wants me back. Part of me wants the same, but the thinking part of me says "With you, never again!" But even knowing this intellectually, my heart tells me otherwise. Why are we as people, built upon so many contradictions!?! We think one thing, feel another, and say something completely different. I try to immerse myself in so many other things, but in my moments of weakness, she always appears. I've been told find solace in another woman's arms, but how can I do that when I all I can do is push them away for fear of more pain? I say to hell with it...I'm just gonna work on my car.

farberio

Only Human

FaulknerScion

i feel the same.

tC4italy

- because we let them very close to our true self, that is why they can hurt us the most.
- because you loved (love) her, the emotions were there and still will be there for a while.
- no matter whether it's hate or love, that person will ALWAYS be in both yr heart and mind.
- our hearts reacts to emotions while our mind reacts to rationality, hence the clash. if you don't want to be hurt u need to listen to yr mind but then again how can we live an interesting life by not feeling emotions?
- like u i don't think that's a solution. it works for some people - mostly those that listen to their minds - but not for me nor you...in our case time is the only healer because we pay more attention to our hearts

hope this helps u somewhat

KooLAiD

Finding another woman will only take your mind off it, but it will never heal your heart. Unfortunately, I speak from experience again, same girl as before. As tC4Italy has said, that person will always be in your heart. I was involved in a similar situation when I had to follow my dreams and move to CO, I thought things would work, but they didn't. I regret giving her up and still love her, I always will, but what I have come to realize is that I love what we had, not her anymore. I love the memories we had together and the love we shared.

That is what you need to try and distinguish, do you still love her or do you love what the two of you had together for so long. It is a hard think to try and realize, but it will only help you out. You will either realize that you should give it another try or you will come to some sort of closure.

As far as the razing goes for this post, no way!!! I say it takes courage to bring this to people you don't know, especially other guys. But we have all been there before!

Keep on keeping on!

theSciontologist

damn dude, i feel the same way. i mean i messed up to the point where i was about to move out of the country just because being in the same state was hard. i mean i love her (still after 2 years) and well i dont know what to do anymore besides work on my car because hwen i work on it i concentrate on my car rather than her. ive tried going to others to find comfort but nothing feels the same. i dont know but i know (in a way) what it feels like. just wish there was a way to feel a different way. i guess time will make it ok... mehhhhh

i hope everyone get to the point where life is liveable again. i know im trying.

KooLAiD

Finding something else to occupy your mind though is great therapy. I would ski, if it was a bad day for me, then I would hit the park. Try to get some aggression out on the rails, if it was an okay day I would just cruise the mountain. With time it will pass, not to scare you, but it took me a good few years. I moved to CO in 2000 when I graduated from Arizona State and it wasn't until I moved back to AZ in 2004 that I trully felt like I was over her. I still love her, but can now really move on. There unfortunately is no time table to heal your heart, but you'll get there.

Rabid_Lemming

My thanks to all of you for letting me vent out a bit, and for the kind words. Even though time has passed, it's funny how the most seemingly insignificant thing can cause a deluge of bittersweet memories. I know from past experience that time does heal all wounds (or at least relegate it to a distant ache) In fact, barring random moments of weaknes and sadness, I get along fine. I admit that my initial interest in tuning and my car was a form of escapism (that has now gone frightfully but fantastically out of control), but as some of you have said, "Try to keep your mind on something else." Between, books, video games, lifting, and of course my car, I manage to do well enough most of the time. I do have to admit that the this forum, this culture built around our cars, has helped in giving me information, and just putting me in contact with terrific people I never would have met otherwise. People that would give a metaphorical shoulder to lean upon, a helping hand to a stranger... Well, I just want you all to know that you have my deepest gratitude, and I am proud to be in this community with you guys.

KooLAiD

I feel a little like Dr. Phil today.

This is a great place to vent and let it out because you know that none of us are going to sugar coat things or tell you what we think you want to hear. It is just the honest truth. Plus we can share our experiences from the past and maybe help in some way.

Glad we could lend, as you said, the proverbial shoulder.

Imagine living down the street from her when you move back to town. I let some friends that already lived here find our place while I was getting things ready to move back from CO to here and when I got here, our house was on the same street. Luckily I could go a different direction then right past her house to get to mine, but...yeah...that was funny. Now my friends and I just laugh about it.

tC4italy

Rabid - from what i understand yr a nice guy ( i randomly give out compliments ) i'm sure someone better will take u in her hands and take care of you when the time comes

jct

he put it right

i'm only about a year and half into my happily divorced life and i still copeing with the crap

but i don't care just as long as i have distractions and friends to be around and a good magazine/book (of your choice)

surfcity40

wow, sounds like it's burdensome to feel stuff. i'd feel for you if i could. flipped that switch ten years ago.

Rabid_Lemming

Thanks again, you guys (even you Surf, cause I tried that too). I think I can handle having to see her when I go back to my home town. At least since I got a lot off my mind, I can just enjoy my drive from GA to NJ tomorrow =) If any of you are along the east coast, and happen to be on I-95, if you see a BCP tC with GA plates, that's me =) Say hi if you do!

tC4italy

i usually am!!! if u have a girl waving at u be sure it's me the italian one