I got a younger friend (22), who while pretty decent looking and intelligent, but just doesn't have confidence around women. He acts confident around me, so around me, he doesn't appear to have a problem with esteem. Well, last week, he drove down to cali to pick up an old-old girlfriend, who is down on her luck and has a 4 month old son. I didn't think he was actually gonna do it when i heard through the grapvine, but he did. So now he's got this girl and her son living with him.

This girl was/possibly is, a meth/heroin junkie with (at least) hepatitisC(he didn't have it before, but he's become that stupid and desperate i guess) and is butt-butt ugly.

This guy is not a grown up, ready-to-settle down guy, but he does need a piece of azz, and to feel loved/not lonely. i'm sorta just understanding this as he acted alot more together in front of me for the last few years. I can help him immensely, with confidence, girls and get him on a better path. But is it too late to jump in and help him? I know this guy, and he doesn't have some super special ond with this girl, as he's been fiending over a couple of other girls just a few months ago.

but now it's at the point of me being a total ***** and saying "dude, you really should send her back to california with her son to go back and live with her grandma". For him, that's what he should do, but for her that's really bad, having a cute kid and all.

i'm sure some of you will say "how do you know he's not really happy with her"? He is really happy having a regular pieceofass, but he's not that mature, and is making aobut as bad of a choice on girls you can. and even though he's 22, besides me and a couple of other guys, he mostly hangs out with high school aged kids who live with mommy and live like there's no tomorrow.

dilema, who's got ideas or comments?

 

It's never to late to help a friend. If you think that he is headed down a self destructive path then it is up to you to help him. Chances are he cannot even see it himself. It's like he is burning alive but his brain is not registering the pain so he doesn't feel it. PULL HIM OUT OF THE FIRE DAVE!

 

but ****, he's picked up a girl with her kid from california to live with him. she's got no job, is right below average intelligence and again, has a kid. it's not an easy dump-the-girl situation, it's him having to come up with some cash and a plane ticket, and send her packing.

 

Your right. That is definitely the worse evil than a month down the road when he gets this chick pregnant.

 

If I were you Dave, I'll get him another piece of azz to compete with the current piece of azz he's chunkin. That's one of the many ways to make your friend get up from a coma that's coming really really fast. You don't want your friend dead, do you? So make a move before it's too late...

Let us know how it goes.

 

Just tell him outright on what a mistake he is making and don't sugar coat it. Also, if she is hooked on something maybe as his friend try to get her some help, there are a lot of places that will do it for almost nothing with no money coming out of your pocket, maybe just a few phone calls from you or other friends. If he thinks every thing is great you might just have to let him make his own mistakes and not offer help beyond a certain point. He might not be mature but he is 22, You have to learn sometime.

 

The problem is, this guy isnt the most mature person around, and even if you try to reason with him, he still probably wont get the point. But you do have to try, hopefully he will see that what he is doing is extremly destructive, and will probably only get worse.

Ive lost a couple friends because of being in your same situation and tried to help them, but to them came across as a jerk, and we stopped hanging out. Sometimes its for the better, but that dosen't make it feel any better.

 

i'm definitely agreed in that situation. i hope he'll understand that i'm trying to help him, but the outcome isn't in my favor.
I see 3 outcomes of me talking to him
1, he listens to me, sends her home and thanks(or hates) me everyday for doing it.
2, he decides not to listen, and decides i'm not supporting him as a friend(I am his only friend with a kid/family so he's looks to me for some direction, as he's got no dad to speak of)
3. he thanks me for my honesty, marries her and forever there is an uneasiness between him and me.

i'd really rather not lose him as a friend and my hookup, so selfishly, i'd rather not rock the boat.

i'm gonna try.

 

Hook up also? Dam, this guy is headed for a big fall!

 

Oh and by the way, since when does Meth and Hepatitis C hurt you? Hepatitis C only attacks the liver and can cause Liver Cancer, but its not like your liver does anything useful.

 

^x2 Meth is a becoming a huge prob in the seattle-national area, this guy sounds like a my best friend of 15 yrs, he was living w/ an ex-stripper, she moved in, gained 70 lbs. (no lie), he brought her over, lied to my face where they met, she went through our bathroom and took my wife's pain pills, solicited MY NEIGHBORS for pills, stashed away his/ and her money and kept hitting him up for more, quit her job (1-1/2 yrs ago) and had not worked since until he finally broke up w/ her. In all he lost almost 2yrs of his life( and I lost 2 years of having him as a freind), had to sell is 2k Prelude SI w/ volk LE37s (to pay for her "medical bills"), and has nothing to show for any of it, is completely broke renting a room in S. Everett. BTW he also makes $2400+ a month....this is what you and your friend have to look forward to in a best case scenario.

A plane ticket now is a lot cheaper than 18+ years of child support payments....GL!

 

tell him to cut her loose. Tell him to get some cojones and have her either get some help or get out. It doesnt sound like its gonna benefit him by having her up here other then having something to fck, but eww come on. Jus by reading this i already feel like he can do better. I have a zero tolerance for druggies and dumb people so sorry if i sound kinda biatchy lol.

lets find him a replacement so he can open his eyes...i got friends lol

 

well, i let him know, but his mom really likes her, and she's "really better once you get to know her".

 

Get him a hooker on craigslist a few times, then maybe he'll kick methheads ___ out on the street...or you can take him on that 'intervention' show.... seriosuly thouh, ____ty situation, i wish you the best of luck with this...