Let it be known that drivers here in Seattle have no problem driving "properly" in the
snow. I observed them from Ballard to Everett and back tonight, and
they all follow the simple list of winter rules.

1. SUV drivers, it's ok to drive way too fast because we all know 4wd
makes you a snow king.

2. FWD drivers, it's ok to drive way too fast because everyone knows
fwd is superior in the snow.

3. If you have an SUV with 22" chrome wheels and summer tires and an
economy car with all weather tires, drive the SUV. Remember that 4wd
rule?

4. When you're driving way too fast in your SUV and attempt to brake,
but suddenly realize that 4wd doesn't make you stop any faster, panic
and turn the wheel back and forth frantically.

5. When you're driving too fast in your fwd car and attempt to brake,
but suddenly realize that 2wd doesn't make you stop any faster, panic
and push the brake as hard as possible. The car will stop sliding
eventually, right?

6. If you're driving a large vehicle that kicks up a 5 foot rooster
tail of slush, drive like nothing special is going on. The little economy
car next to you won't mind as you pass them and render their windshield
completely opaque.

7. Brush as little snow off your car as possible. The optimal amount of
snow to remove is two small holes in the windshield for the driver's
eyes. If your headlights are covered in snow, don't dust them off. Snow
is water, and water is transparent, so your lights won't be affected at
all. You want to keep as much snow as is possible on the car to help
increase your visibility. After all, what is more visible than white?

8. Corollary to number 7. Pay no heed to anyone who tries to tell you
about the blizzard coming off of your rear, extending 30 car lengths
back, and causing poor visibility. What, are they blind? Your car is white
now! Ultimate visibility!

9. Tailgate. The person ahead of you is obviously a moron. You can
accellerate just fine with your 4wd, 2wd, awd, or awesome rwd with sandbags
in the trunk machismo, so why are they piddling along so slowly?

10. Corollary to number 9. It's their fault you rear-ended them. They
stopped too fast, and they should have known not to stop for the red
light. Don't they know how slippery it is? How inconsiderate of them.
(This one happens. A lot. Some Morman guy with a wife and six kids in a
minivan did this to my wife once.)

11. Merging works just like it would in dry weather. Don't signal, and
pull in as quickly as possible. Surprise merges keep people on their
toes.

12. If you're having difficulty getting traction, give it more
throttle. Spinning tires eventually dig through the snow and off you go!

13. When stopping on a hill, pull as close to the person in front of
you as possible. The vast majority of Americans have automatic
transmissions just like you, and there is no way that they will slide or roll
backwards while attempting to pull away.

14. In snowy conditions, red lights are always optional. How else do
they expect you to still drive at the speed limit and deal with reduced
braking?

15. If you're pulling out of a driveway into the opposite lanes, assume
the cars heading towards you can brake in time and time your exit just
seconds in front of them. If they're out in the snow, they must have
4wd just like you, so they'll be fine.

16. Snowy roads are a great excuse to bring out your military spec
Hummer and go cruising.

17. All Season tires are just as good as Winter tires. They're all
seasons, and winter is a season.

18. Summer tires are ok too. After all, your particular summer tire of
choice is incredibly awesome and was highly recommended. Plus, it
drives well in the rain and snow is sortof like rain but whiter.

19. You've only driven in snow twice before in your life, but you are a
fantastic driver so you'll be fine. You've seen video of those rally
drivers, and it looks easy!

20. And finally, when you inevitably crash causing damage to your own
vehicle, somebody else's moving vehicle, a parked minivan, a street
light, someone's lawn, a picket fence, and finally a tree of some sort, you
have no idea what happened and it was just totally crazy 'cause the car
just totally went out of control and it wouldn't stop or turn or
anything... Remember that it's not your fault. Snow just causes cars to do
things that no amount of preparation, proper equipment, training, and
common sense can prevent.