Okay so i need advice.

This girl named Amanda wants to be in a relationship with me, as do i with her. However, this would be the first relationship i have been in where a child is in the mix. She has a 5 year old daughter, Amanda is 20. She regrets having a child so young and who she was with, but obviously doesnt regret her daughter.

She knows as of now im not ready to be a father figure, financially mostly. Shes told me shes not looking for hand outs, pity, or asking me to be the father figure for her daughter. She currently lives with her parents getting rid of debt and taking care of some responsibilities before going back on her own, sort of what im doing.

So the question is, if you were in my position what would you do? I realize no matter what a relationship with her means a relationship with her daughter, no matter how serious it would get. And no, shes not a *****, trashy, or anything of the sorts.

Thanks for any future input!

 

hey, if your already a friend with her, then your in a relationship with her and her daughter technically, it doesn't sound like its that bad of a deal for either of you, just remember the daughter is flesh and blood relations to her and will come first

the best I can do to help you, is to say go out with her a few times, and see how it works out

 

Already have took her out on a few dates and we've been talking off and on for a while, but recently its getting more..serious?

Oh and i definitely realize her daughter comes first, im not attempting to take her place or anything.

I would like to be with her, but id like outsiders opinions too incase im just blind of problems or complications ive over looked or havent talked about with her yet.

Thanks for the response though!

 

have you two been friends for a while?

 

I say go for it.

 

I just went through this with a girl...she has a 3 year old boy...21 years old...girl was a nutcase!! Run for the hills lol
no seriously though, she was a rebound chic and I never really was into the fact that she had a child and it definitely hindered the relationship...I had never been in a relationship before either that had a child involved and I think thats what kept me from really getting feelings for this girl. I knew from day one I would never get serious with her, yet kept it going for a while cause honestly, the sex was incredible. She was in it for the long haul, but unfortunately I wasnt due to her baggage. Id take things really slooooooow for a while if I were you...get a feel for what shes really looking for. My girl wasnt looking for me to be a father figure also, but she did get on me a lot for being more active in her sons life...something that kinda scared me away

 

...um...you can always hook her up w/ me....


lol, j/k


think of it like this: she learned to become mature at a veryt young age.


i'd rather have a girl i can trust, instead of a girl who is 20 and just "learning" the joys of life

 

I say no way. Extra baggage is a no go. Think of it like this dude. She had a kid when she was 15 years old. That alone makes me sick. Just stay friends with her. Me personally, I wouldn't associate myself with people like that to begin with.

 

You really shouldn't ask for everyone's opinion It all depends on you and your acceptance of the child. I once dated a girl that had a kid but then realized that I'm in no position to be a father myself with my children much less someone elses. But that's because I still haven't really lived life without kids. I can barely take care of my fish!!! Lol but seriously if you are very patient and understanding then A child shouldn't matter if any little thing bugs you about it though then bail. Don't stay friends you can't be friends with someone you have feelings for.

 

People make mistakes...you cant hold that against her that she had the kid at 15...it is what it is. My girl had her kid at 18...she doesnt regret having him one bit and it does make them slightly more mature...notice I said SLIGHTLY...but your right about the baggage part just like I said in the previous post. We have been broken up for a couple of weeks now and we still hang out and im still caught up in this whole mess but it hasnt stopped me from kickin game again...Im actually ready for a relationship this time...i got into things with her literally 2 weeks after I got out of a long term relationship where I was def in love. If you dont plan on getting serious with her then just have a good time and hook up....thats what I tried telling my girl from day one but it eventually evolved into a relationship that was kinda 1 sided on her part...my head just wasnt in it, but she was. Keep in mind that a girl that has a kid is pretty much at your mercy as it aint easy for them to find a decent guy thats willing to put up with the baggage...so enjoy it to the fullest, its ur turn to get back at the girls

 

I know more than a few people that are in a serious relationship or are married to their companion that has one or more child from a previous relationship and they could'nt be happier! I also know people that it did'nt work out for them, so if it's meant to be it's meant to be! At least give it a shot, and if ur both happy then great, if not then at least u can say u gave it a chance! Good Luck!

 

look at it this way, the kid is 5


you don't have to change diapers!

 

RUN FOR THE HILLS.

Seriously, children are just too much baggage. As much as you may love this chick, having a child that isn't yours is just asking for issues.

 

lol thanks for all the responses. Some of them are but hey, everyone has their own opinion.


I think im going to try a slow moving relationship with her and see how things pan out. While im not ready to be a dad just yet, it has nothing to do with me wanting to settle down to the point of knowing im with the girl i want to marry. I adore kids, and her daughter is quite adorable. Who knows, it might work out incredibly much. Or it might not. But like someone else said, atleast i gave it a shot.

nauticac - I understand where you are coming from but not every girl that becomes preg. at a young age is no good. Mistakes happen, things happen and its life. The fact that she can move on from her mistakes and still love her child just as much if not more than before to me shows a lot and shows maturity. Maybe thats just me though.

Now i just have to figure out how to tell my parents. Because there is a child in the mix, im thinking about dating her for a while then telling them since it is a semi big step. I want to know and get a feel for if it might have a shot to work long term before telling them hey! im dating a girl with a 5 year old! hahaha. Any thoughts on that as well would be appreciated.

 

what you could do, is, if she isn't doing anything for thanksgiving, invite her to your parent's house for thanksgiving as a very good friend

 

Sounds to me like you weren't looking for advice and you had made your mind up. Good luck, I just can't wait till you post a thread of "OMG MY GF IS PREGNANT AGAIN!!".

 

From my past experience with a girl named Amanda id say RUN. .. Faster.. like Forest Gump.

 

^ Haha - Yea, I'd haul ___.

 

I read some replies, took what it was worth and made my mind up. The whole point of this thread is to see what people would do in my situation. I didnt have my mind made up when i posted it, now i do. Just because i decided to give her a shot means i didnt want opinions?

 

just remember dude, like it or not, if you go out with this girl, your going to bond with her child most likely, and should stuff go bad, it can be really tough on the child.

my brother dated a woman with a 2 year old, and now the kid is 5, and they are really close, if that girl wasn't half black, you would swear my bro was her real dad sometimes.

but now they kinda have a strained relationship with eachother, but they still hang out pretty often because the little girl is so attached to him.

so i guess what i am saying is, think of the children, and if things go sour, it is like breaking up with two people, makes it kinda harder on both of them too, i can imagine it is really confusing to the child quite a bit.