so i'm listening to the news radio this morning, and they're talking about that bridge/overpass in oakland that collapsed, and the guy being interviewed says:

The fire from the tanker melted the steel supports on the bridge, so it collapsed like the towers on 9/11.

o no he didn't can you believe that?

 

I got one, well two!! This guy at work is 62 years old and said the other day after he washed his car, "It was shining like a wet d!ck in the moon light" And another one. He hates the boss, and sarcastically says he's the best boss ever. "He's like a sore d!ck... you can't beat him!!"

 

I like one I heard in the animated movie "CARS". It was something like, "I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park!"

 

Ive never seen that movie, but Larry the Cable Guy probably said that right?

 

I do believe it was his character. You should watch that DVD if you ever have a chance. It's pretty funny.

 

I have a "copy" of it, just never sat down and watched it. Ive been in a James Bond Marathon lately, so that takes up my TV time.

 

He's loster than a short dog in the tall grass.

I'm all over that like a pit bull on a toddler.

I'm all over that like a fat woman on a commode.

 

I feel like I've been run down by a pack of coyotes, eaten alive, and then crapped over a cliff.

 

It'd be like throwin' a hotdog down a hallway.

I drank too much, the sex was like shooting pool with a piece of rope.

 

/\ now, that's pretty bad.

 

Which?

 

the being eaten alive one was worse....

 

it was like a whale eating a tic tac

 

It was like trying to shove a Starter log through a key hole.

 

not to brag, but that's the same line my gf used when we first met

 

They actually said, "collapse"?



Some people will believe anything..

 

yes. he was like the sanfran city planner too.

 

when you first met her? you didn't even wait for a "hello, my name is______?" That's pretty bold, but whatever works for you.

 

yeah, but they never say no.
See gentlemen, that is the trick to a woman's heart, don't say a word, just pull it out. 60% of the time, it works everytime.

 

Why do I get the feeling that when your girlfriend is out of town, you buy a bag of candy and head to the middle school.