If you havn't already seen these, you need to!
04-18-2006, 03:46 PM
#1
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Scinergy
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Springfield, MO
Posts: 3,701
If you havn't already seen these, you need to!
Here are some facts about Chuck Norris!
You can see more at http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/index.html
Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down.
Jeeves asks Chuck Norris.
If Mr. T pittyed someone at the same time that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked them, the universe would cease to exist!
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass . . . at night!
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough *****.
When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
You can see more at http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/index.html
Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down.
Jeeves asks Chuck Norris.
If Mr. T pittyed someone at the same time that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked them, the universe would cease to exist!
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass . . . at night!
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough *****.
When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
04-18-2006, 06:43 PM
#6
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Scikotics
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Scinergy
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Wilson Scion (IA)
Posts: 2,235
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
-Alex
04-18-2006, 06:56 PM
#7
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Team ScioNRG
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Fortress of ScioNRG
Posts: 5,274
had this going around the office for a while...
some more.
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability
of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
4. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris
you may be only seconds away from death.
5..Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized,
Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The
devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have
seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
6. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked
names for his left and right legs.
7. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
8. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
9. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15
cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer
only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance
Armstrong.
10. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for
Chuck Norris.
11. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
12. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
13. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you
know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man
blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal
roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
14. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes
only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not
had to pay taxes ever.
15. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first
45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
16. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
17. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
18. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. 1334 7.23
19. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid
of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
20. Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I
mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
21. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris.
22. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped
people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris
and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
23. As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in
the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami
Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
24. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the
man ate a ____ing Indian.
25. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the
best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst
mistake anyone has ever made.
26. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the ____ down.
27. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
28. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
29. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly
after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck
Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once
more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
30. If Chuck Norris had a hammer, he wouldn't need it. For anything.
some more.
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability
of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
4. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris
you may be only seconds away from death.
5..Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized,
Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The
devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have
seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
6. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked
names for his left and right legs.
7. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
8. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
9. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15
cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer
only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance
Armstrong.
10. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for
Chuck Norris.
11. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
12. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
13. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you
know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man
blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal
roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
14. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes
only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not
had to pay taxes ever.
15. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first
45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
16. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
17. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
18. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. 1334 7.23
19. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid
of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
20. Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I
mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
21. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris.
22. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped
people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris
and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
23. As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in
the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami
Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
24. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the
man ate a ____ing Indian.
25. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the
best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst
mistake anyone has ever made.
26. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the ____ down.
27. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
28. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
29. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly
after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck
Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once
more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
30. If Chuck Norris had a hammer, he wouldn't need it. For anything.
04-20-2006, 12:48 AM
#11
Senior Member
SL Member
Scinergy
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Des Moines, IA
Posts: 715
I thought it would be funny to put this in here too some of you do know bosnianz
YOU KNOW YOUR BOSNIAN IF....
1. Your family owns a manual coffe grinder.
2. You take your shoes off when you enter the house, and every family member has his/her own slippers
3. Your neighbor comes over every day uninvited for coffe
4. Your father wears striped pajamas
5. You start you day off with a cup of coffe and a cigarette
6. You have 17 consonans and 2 vowels in your last name
7. Your mother/grandma wont accept the fact that you're not hungry
8. You have "pita" for dinner at 4 days a weeks and you have "sarma" the remaining 3 days
9. A load of bread is eaton for lunch every day
10. You're 6 and your father/grandfather sends you out to buy him "Drina" and "Sarajevsko"
11. Your grandma insists you eat something with "kasika" at least once a week.
12. Your mother tells you to wear "potkosulja", no matter the temperature outside
13. You mother tells you not to sit close to the TV and not to use cell phones, becauuse you'll get a brain tumor.
14. Your mother tells you that you'll get sick from drinking cold water
15. You parents wonder why u take a shower every day
16. A "couple of days" really means a week or soo
17. You parents have "goblene" on their walls, and "heklanje" on every piece of furiture, including the TV
18. Your parents/grandparents make "zimnica" every September
19. You mother threathens you with "samo cekaj dok ti se caca vrati kuci"
20. You spend all you family vacations "na moru" and you drive there in your family "golf", and then you take a cab to go everywhere
21. You can't expaain what "ba" or "bona" means, but you use it all the time
YOU KNOW YOUR BOSNIAN IF....
1. Your family owns a manual coffe grinder.
2. You take your shoes off when you enter the house, and every family member has his/her own slippers
3. Your neighbor comes over every day uninvited for coffe
4. Your father wears striped pajamas
5. You start you day off with a cup of coffe and a cigarette
6. You have 17 consonans and 2 vowels in your last name
7. Your mother/grandma wont accept the fact that you're not hungry
8. You have "pita" for dinner at 4 days a weeks and you have "sarma" the remaining 3 days
9. A load of bread is eaton for lunch every day
10. You're 6 and your father/grandfather sends you out to buy him "Drina" and "Sarajevsko"
11. Your grandma insists you eat something with "kasika" at least once a week.
12. Your mother tells you to wear "potkosulja", no matter the temperature outside
13. You mother tells you not to sit close to the TV and not to use cell phones, becauuse you'll get a brain tumor.
14. Your mother tells you that you'll get sick from drinking cold water
15. You parents wonder why u take a shower every day
16. A "couple of days" really means a week or soo
17. You parents have "goblene" on their walls, and "heklanje" on every piece of furiture, including the TV
18. Your parents/grandparents make "zimnica" every September
19. You mother threathens you with "samo cekaj dok ti se caca vrati kuci"
20. You spend all you family vacations "na moru" and you drive there in your family "golf", and then you take a cab to go everywhere
21. You can't expaain what "ba" or "bona" means, but you use it all the time
04-20-2006, 02:05 AM
#12
Senior Member
SL Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Posts: 400
Originally Posted by shorberg
Just found it this morning and have been ROFL ever since.
05-05-2006, 02:14 PM
#17
Former Sponsor
SL Member
Team ScioNRG
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 1,600
President Bush schedules the "State of the Union Address" around Walker Texas Ranger.
Chuck Norris can go from 0 to Round House kick in .3 seconds.
In the beginning there was Chuck Norris then there was light.
Chuck Norris can go from 0 to Round House kick in .3 seconds.
In the beginning there was Chuck Norris then there was light.
05-05-2006, 04:31 PM
#19
Senior Member
SL Member
Team ScioNRG
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Charleston, S.C.
Posts: 164
chuck norris can back hand a tennis ball.........in pong!
Scientist belive that the big bang released the energy equal to 1CNRhk! 1 Chuck Norris Round house kick!
Chuck norris does not belive in the periodic table. he only knows on element............. suprise!
Chuck Nooris can do quadranomitry!
Scientist belive that the big bang released the energy equal to 1CNRhk! 1 Chuck Norris Round house kick!
Chuck norris does not belive in the periodic table. he only knows on element............. suprise!
Chuck Nooris can do quadranomitry!
