the official scionlife joke thread!!! post 'em here
Senior Member
SL Member
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,092
From: Royal Post Palace
An Italian walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan
officer
He told the loan officer that he was going to Italy on business for two
weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the
bank
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of
security for
the loan, so the Italian handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The
car was
parked on the street in front of the bank. The Italian produced the
title
and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car
as collateral
for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh
at the
Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000
loan. An employee
of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage
and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Italian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the
interest of
$23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had
your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little
puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you
are a
multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow
$5,000
at 12% for only two weeks
The Italian replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car
for two
weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Ah, the Italians... Bada Bing!
officer
He told the loan officer that he was going to Italy on business for two
weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the
bank
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of
security for
the loan, so the Italian handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The
car was
parked on the street in front of the bank. The Italian produced the
title
and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car
as collateral
for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh
at the
Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000
loan. An employee
of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage
and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Italian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the
interest of
$23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had
your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little
puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you
are a
multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow
$5,000
at 12% for only two weeks
The Italian replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car
for two
weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Ah, the Italians... Bada Bing!
Senior Member
Scikotics
SL Member
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,396
Originally Posted by tC4italy
An Italian walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan
officer
He told the loan officer that he was going to Italy on business for two
weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the
bank
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of
security for
the loan, so the Italian handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The
car was
parked on the street in front of the bank. The Italian produced the
title
and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car
as collateral
for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh
at the
Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000
loan. An employee
of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage
and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Italian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the
interest of
$23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had
your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little
puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you
are a
multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow
$5,000
at 12% for only two weeks
The Italian replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car
for two
weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Ah, the Italians... Bada Bing!
officer
He told the loan officer that he was going to Italy on business for two
weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the
bank
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of
security for
the loan, so the Italian handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The
car was
parked on the street in front of the bank. The Italian produced the
title
and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car
as collateral
for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh
at the
Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000
loan. An employee
of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage
and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Italian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the
interest of
$23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had
your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little
puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you
are a
multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow
$5,000
at 12% for only two weeks
The Italian replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car
for two
weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Ah, the Italians... Bada Bing!
nice one C.
Senior Member
SL Member
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 5,114
From: Laurel, MD
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a littleperch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You
actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird." "Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked,I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.""Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse withreasonable competence on almost anytopic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet.
You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes,
"Psssssssssssst, " and motions him over with one wing.
"I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."What are you talking about?" asks the guy."When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at thedoor in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously.
"THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and
lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,"reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?" "Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his kneesand began to kiss her all over...."
Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT
HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off
my perch!"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You
actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird." "Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked,I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.""Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse withreasonable competence on almost anytopic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet.
You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes,
"Psssssssssssst, " and motions him over with one wing.
"I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."What are you talking about?" asks the guy."When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at thedoor in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously.
"THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and
lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,"reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?" "Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his kneesand began to kiss her all over...."
Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT
HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off
my perch!"
Senior Member
SL Member
Team N.V.S.
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,823
Originally Posted by tc-guy
here's the easiest way to get banned from disneyland
****could be an easiest way to get banned from scion life****
edited by spider
****could be an easiest way to get banned from scion life****
edited by spider
Senior Member
SL Member
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,092
From: Royal Post Palace
Originally Posted by tc-guy
Originally Posted by tc-guy
here's the easiest way to get banned from disneyland
****could be an easiest way to get banned from scion life****
edited by spider
****could be an easiest way to get banned from scion life****
edited by spider
Just wish ppl would delete/warn way more trashy pics.
Oh well
Senior Member
SL Member
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 587
From: Las Vegas. NV
Originally Posted by tC4italy
Originally Posted by tc-guy
Originally Posted by tc-guy
here's the easiest way to get banned from disneyland
****could be an easiest way to get banned from scion life****
edited by spider
****could be an easiest way to get banned from scion life****
edited by spider
Just wish ppl would delete/warn way more trashy pics.
Oh well
Thread Starter
Senior Member
SL Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 13,961
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.... .
.
.
He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running ".
The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.... .
.
.
He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running ".
Thread Starter
Senior Member
SL Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 13,961
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat, “You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let me know.”
The cat thinks for a moment and says, “Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.”
The Lord stops the cat and says, “Say no more” and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later 6 mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer. The mice answer, “All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. We are tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don’t have to run anymore?”
The Lord says, “Say no more” and fits each mouse with a beautiful pair of roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, “How are things since you are here?”
The cat stretches and yawns and replies, “It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those Meals On Wheels you have been sending by are the best!!!”
The cat thinks for a moment and says, “Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.”
The Lord stops the cat and says, “Say no more” and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later 6 mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer. The mice answer, “All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. We are tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don’t have to run anymore?”
The Lord says, “Say no more” and fits each mouse with a beautiful pair of roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, “How are things since you are here?”
The cat stretches and yawns and replies, “It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those Meals On Wheels you have been sending by are the best!!!”