nah, besides, its cheaper to find a woman you hate and buy her a house


ok on to the jokes again


how are women and tornadoes alike?





























they both moan and groan and tell you their cumming and leave with the house

 

 

Ha ha ha Is that Ture C?

 

1. uhm how are they rules? they are interpretations of what those words mean when women use them.
2. I use them on people that ____ me off, bf, friends, females, doesn't matter.

 

doesn't apply to me. I was the sugar mama not him.

 

Not sure if this has been posted and im not checking 47 pages to find out....i though it was funny...enjoy

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the pearly gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about this for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in some key words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours."

 

OMG!!!!!!

 

nice!! :D

 

best joke in a while!!

 

yeah, it's a good joke. i posted it a while back. i said that the next line should read, "give it time God, give it time." bikes are much less hassle.

 

I should also point out - machinery behaves in a rational manner in accordance with the laws of chemistry and physics.

 

we are gonna start with another idiotic chauvenistic thread?
or someone has jokes?

 

A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double scotch.

A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket again, the man told the bartender he’d had enough.

The bartender said, “I’ve got to ask you. What’s with the pocket business?”

“Oh,” said the man, “I have my lawyer’s picture in here, and when he starts to look honest, I know I’ve had enough.”

 

Car related joke:
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

 

A drunk walks into a bar and notices a banner that says “win $10,000 - ask the bartender for details”.

He asks and the bartender tells him “well, you see that man at the end of the bar?”. The drunk looks over and sees a huge, burley dude. the bartender says “If you can knock him out with one punch, you go to the second step…

The door right behind that big guy opens into a room containing an aligator with a sore tooth. if you can pull his tooth and come out alive, you move on to step three…

Those stairs next to the door go up to an eighty year old hooker’s apartment. she has never been satisfied by any man. if you can satisfy her, you win the money!”

The drunk says ok and orders a double shot of whiskey. He belts that down, walks to the end of the bar and POW! - knocks the big dude out. he orders another double, belts it down, walks to the door, steps inside and closes the door. BAM, CRASH, GROWL is all the bartender and patrons can hear for a few minutes and then total silence. five minutes later, the drunk walks out of the room bloody, clothes shredded. He orders another double, drinks it and says “o.k., where’s the hooker with the sore tooth?”

 

LOL

 

sorry to all the blonds in advance, this was just really funny to me

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”

Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde replied, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”

He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s just have a nice cup of tea, and then ..” He sighed… “We’ll put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box…”

 

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!

 

haha yeah i thought it was funny too

 

Rough Love Life

A man wearing a stovepipe hat, a fake beard, and a waistcoat sits down at a bar and orders a drink.

“Goin’ to a party?” the bartender asks.

“Yeah,” the man replies, “I’m supposed to go dressed as my love life.”

“But you look like Abe Lincoln.”

“That’s right. My last four scores were seven years ago.”