Q: How do you make a Civic owner cry?

A: Park your tC next to them.


Did you hear about the plastic surgeon that hung himself?


Q: How many Ethiopians can you get into a phone booth?

A: All of them.

 

 

A blonde, bruentte, and a red head are all pregnant go to the doctor to find out what their babies will be. The bruentte comes out and said Im having a girl it must be because I like being on the bottom. The red head it like Im having a boy. I guess its cause Im always on top. The blonde starts crying. Whats wrong they ask? I dont wanna have puppies cries the blonde.

 

What's the difference between a musician and a 16 inch pizza?



A pizza can feed a family of four.


this joke works for any art, but since i have been a musician....

 

OMG!!! lol

 

Two atoms come out of a bar,
atom 1: "wait, i left an electron back in the bar"
atom 2: "are you sure"
atom 1: "I"m positive"
________
Mflb

 

A penguin takes his car to the mechanic because the engine is smoking. The mechanic says come back in 3 hours and I'll take a look under the hood and tell ya what's wrong. The penguin figures he's got a little time and goes over to the ice cream parlor across the street.
The penguin loves ice cream and can't eat it fast enough. When he's done, his face has ice cream all over it. he looks down at his watch, still wiping ice cream from his face and sees that it's time to check on his car. He walks over to the mechanic and asks what's wrong with the car.
The mechanic looks at him and says"Looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says"No, that's just ice cream."

 

What You Need To Believe To Be A Republican:

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals, Arabs, and
Hillary
Clinton.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's
daddy
made war on him, a good guy when Cheney and Rumsfeld did business with
him,
and a bad guy when Bush couldn't find Bin Laden.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade
with
China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
without
regulation.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches,
while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle and antagonize our
long-time
allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing
health
care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at
heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable
offense, but
a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is
solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution,
which include banning ___ marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but
George
Bush's and Dick Cheney's driving records are none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers
for
your recovery.

Supporting "Executive Privilege" is imperative for every Republican
ever
born, who will be born or who might be born in perpetuity.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but
what
Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

There's nothing wrong with supporting drunken hunters who shoot their
friends and blaming the friends for looking too much like quail.

Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least 10 other
people,
we're likely to be stuck with more Republicans in '06 and '08. Friends
don't
let friends vote Republican.

 

your useing other peoples actions do define a democratic partys beliefs?

the thread was "post ur bad jokes" -not "post your prejudice, ignorant thoughts"

a lot of great leaders are republican, and without mixed beliefs you cant have democracy

 

A girl comes home from her first semester of college and her conserviative father finds out that his daughter has joined the democratic party. He sits her down one night and asks her how school is going and she tells them that although she wishes she had more time for enjoying the college experiance like going to parties she has a 4.0 GPA. He then asks about her friend Amy who goes went to highschool with her and now attends the same college. She says that Amy is having a great time goes to all the parties and never studies, because of this though her GPA is only 2.0. Dad asks his daughter, why don't you go to the dean and ask if he will split your GPA's that way you both have a 3.0. The mans daughter asked why would I do that? I worked hard for my 4.0 I missed a ton of parties by staying in and studying hard, why would I want to split my GPA with her? Dad looks at his daughter and says welcome to the Republican Party.

 

its a joke. it just shows that people are hypocrites and tend to overreact.

 

What do a sperm and a lawyer have in common?
They both have a 1 in a million chance of becoming a human being.

 

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he has an embarassing problem.
The doctor tells him that he's seen it all and just go ahead and say what it is.
The man pulls down his pants and bends over and there is a piece of lettuce hanging from his butt.
The doctor says " That's not that big of a deal.
And the man says " But doc, that's only the tip of the iceberg!

 

Last night a psychic midget broke out of prison, the headline today:

Small Medium at Large!

 

oh, oh that one reminds me....

a psychiatric patient escapes from an institution and rapes a nurse during the escape. the headline the next day reads, "Nut, Screws and Bolts"

 

I peed my pants a little...

 

 

A pirate walks into a bar with a Toyota steering wheel down the front of his pants. The bar tender says," Doesn't that bother you, having a steering wheel down the front of your pants?"
The pirate says
"Yaris driving me nuts!"


sorry you can't have your loading time back.

 

now this one wins the bad joke of the week!!! ends this saturday at 11:59pm hahaha

 

Yo mama is so dumb when she asked me "what does yield mean?" and I said "slow down" then she said "What... Does... Yield... Mean?"