Ok... now that we won't be interrupted...

This is a thread for posting anoying things your gf/wife/girls in general do/say/like.

I'll start it off with...

Never answering a single freakin question directly.
example: "what would you like for dinner?"
"Doesn't matter, what would you like?"
And then after you tell her you want burgers it turns out it DOES matter and she doesn't feel like that tonight or chinese or italian or...

 

It takes my wife until at least 1pm to be ready to go somewhere on Saturdays. Personally I like to get out before everyone else and do things in the mornings. Then when all the malls and shopping centers are crowding up we're about done. I'm not so lucky.

 

^^ man yours is SO true!

My wife's ADD drives me NUTS. She'll ask a question and go into la la land while I'm explaining the answer.

Oh and when she eats ice cream she feels that she has to suck it off the cone, spoon, or popsicle stick and it gives me the chills like nails on a chalkboard.

 

This thread is gonna be fun.

 

How about when they leave the toilet seat down?

If I pay for the toilet I think the standard configuration should be of my choosing.

 

 

Whenever my wife fusses about the toilet seat being up I just tell her I don't think it's fair to inconvience me with having to lift it. I have to agree citizen, I think we need to revolt.

 

lol. ok a while back at my previous retail job in a company wide meeting, the main manager girl says "Guys, can we please remember to leave the seat down".

Since i'm dave, I interjected, "How about we have a compromise, us guys will just pee in the toilet with the seat down, and if there's "slashback" that hits the seat, well we're not going to be the next one to sit down."

she didn't like that...

I've asked girls, "why don't you just put the seat down?"

the answer: "we don't always look, and just sit down, and if the lid is not down, we'll nearly fall in"

I think that's gross to just blindly sit on a public toilet myself. In my house, a murder happens if you don't flush your play doh. But in real world, people frequently don't flush their crap and/or ____ all over the seat, and we all find ourselves wiping that ____ off with toiletpaper before using it ourselves.

To even attempt to rationalise thinking "I'm going to open this stall door, and sit on the toilet without looking what I may be sitting in." Is stupid.

 

another fun thing, has recently happened to my guy friend. he got a girlfriend, who everyone else is supposed to believe isn't controlling his life.

So my friend calls yesterday, "I swiped some corals from a client's tank that was overgrown, want some?"

"sure" I said, "you coming over?"

"yeah,(and here's where us guys know the girlfriend's influence comes into play) I think so, let me find out, i'll call you back"

After a few minutes of ignorance i'm sure, i get a call right back "Yeah, I'll call you in 2 hours to let you know if and when we're coming over"

wait, so he's calling to let me know abuot when he'll be calling to then let me know if/when he may be coming over. We all know guys by themselves don't do that, no it's these girls/women that make up that b.s. and then have the man be the voice of the relationship to others.

I had to call him back and say, ok what time you actually coming over, because I'm not waiting at home for a call that will then give me an answer to whether you anbd your woman are coming over.

I don't blame him, cuz what is he supposed to do, be ___?

 

[quote="citizen01"] "Doesn't matter, what would you like?"
[quote]

Female to male translation;

"You shouldn't have to ask me that you insensitive, unaware lout. You should be able to tell based on all of our cumulative past experiences, conversations, dates, and interactions exactly what I want to eat right now without me having to spell it out for you. And god help you if you get this wrong."

 

for my ex-wife, this use to mean:

Start naming places you think I would want, and I'll shoot each one down until you name the one and only one I'm already thinking about...GO!

 

Oh don't even get me started on trying to translate. I must have heard "Well that is not what I meant" about a BILLION times. How hard is it to just say what you mean?

 

I think the underlying assertion women make regarding communicating with men is something along the lines of;

"Based on everything ever said, experienced, or done between us since the point in time when we met, you should be able to predict, with 100% accuracy, everything I INTEND to communicate to you even before I know that I want to communicate to you."

But then again, I'm sure I'm wrong. You should probably just get a t-shirt made that says "I'm sorry, I don't understand".

 

Mine makes useless attempts at using "reverse psychology" all the time. What she doesn't know is that I learned 9 years ago what she does and I create answers just to screw with her. On top of that, she lets the water run while she's brushing her teeth ? I just don't get it.

 

When they cut thier hair half an inch and do some "layer" thingy in the back and even though it looks EXACTLY the same you are the devil if you don't notice AND tell her you love it. Same thing when she buys a shirt that looks the same as all her other shirts.

 

I had a few women in my life that do that, and leave smudges of toothpaste in the sink, and yet these are the supposed to be the same neurotically clean women that stress out and must make the house "emmaculate" before someone that might come by for 2 minutes.

 

Cleaning before the cleaning lady comes. What the heck do I pay the cleaning lady for then?

 

Same thing with doing dishes before they go into the dishwasher, even though the dishwasher and the detergent both say they "prewash" already.

I'm surprised more women don't break out the ole' washboard before they throw laundry in the washing machine.

 

My ex used to _____ at me when I used the "wrong knife" to cut food for dinner. Or when she wants some specific food and there are 5-10 franchises nearby, but she has to get it from the one specific one that's, of course, the farthest one away. I of course am the only one with the car and of course never take the proper route there, according to little misses passenger seat driver... (who has no license by the way)

The toilet seat one I love too. If I have to put it up to pee, you should put it down to do your business. You don't hear me complaining that I end up peeing on the lid of the toilet because of her...

 

Mine is stubborn, impulsive, a bit lazy, and not the brightest bulb. It's a horrible configuration to say the least, so you can imagine.

She has some catch phrases that if she uses just one more time, at exactly the wrong moment, might lead us to taking a cruise where only one of us comes back. I'm so giddy with this thread tho, I can't think of them at the moment, I'll post later with them.