Tell us your favorite Joke!!
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 541
From: Puerto Rico
Originally Posted by bernardos70
A "heads up" for you and any friends you have who may be regular Home Depot customers.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 18 or 19-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot.
You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen April 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, three times just yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
Again - please beware
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 18 or 19-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot.
You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen April 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, three times just yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
Again - please beware
I really enjoy this one. 
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 85
WARNING.. NOT A CLEAN JOKE. ITS A BIT DIRTY SO IF YOU DONT WANNA READ IT, CLOSE THIS WEBPAGE AND GOOGLE SEARCH ON WHY ROSWELL SCION IS SO AWESOME..
The words in the CAPS are edited and Im sure you get the idea what its replaced for..
DEAF JOKE:
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language).
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left TATA one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right TATA one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my ROD one time." "And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my ROD... fifty times!"
The words in the CAPS are edited and Im sure you get the idea what its replaced for..
DEAF JOKE:
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language).
After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left TATA one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right TATA one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my ROD one time." "And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my ROD... fifty times!"
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Balliztik
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9,538
From: Washington
Old man and old lady are driving down the freeway and the old lady is driving about 90 MPH when she goes right by a State Patrol.
WEll he pulls out after her and pulls her over.
Comes up tothe car and says Liscense and Registration please.
Old lady says......What??
Old man says.....He whants to see your liscense and registatrion Ma......
Oh.......Ok says the old lady......
She hands it to the State Patrol
He askes her.......do you know how fast you were going ?????
Huh.........
Says he wants to know how fast you think you were going Ma........
Oh.......OK......I don't know
WEll the state patrol has no choice to give her a ticket........and as he is writing outhte ticket he notices she is from Oklahoma.........and says to him self.........man the worst lay I ever had was from Oklahoma........
Huh.........
He says he thinks he knows YOU Ma.........
WEll he pulls out after her and pulls her over.
Comes up tothe car and says Liscense and Registration please.
Old lady says......What??
Old man says.....He whants to see your liscense and registatrion Ma......
Oh.......Ok says the old lady......
She hands it to the State Patrol
He askes her.......do you know how fast you were going ?????
Huh.........
Says he wants to know how fast you think you were going Ma........
Oh.......OK......I don't know
WEll the state patrol has no choice to give her a ticket........and as he is writing outhte ticket he notices she is from Oklahoma.........and says to him self.........man the worst lay I ever had was from Oklahoma........
Huh.........
He says he thinks he knows YOU Ma.........
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Scion Evolution
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,657
From: San Diego (4s king)
man is out of the country for business and decides to go have a little fun. He walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.
To the bartender he asks, "where can a guy have some fun around here?"
Bartender, "well, there's a ***** house a couple blocks down, just don't get sandpaper sally."
"hmmm, i might just do that."
Man has a couple more drinks and decides to head to the whorehouse. He rings the bell and asks for a lady for the night. "all we've got is sandpaper sally"
Man thinks a minutes and says, "____ it...i'll take her"
so they're going at it and he yells, "damn that hurts"
Sandpaper Sally gets up, leaves for a minutes and comes back and they go back at it.
Man, "oh wow, that feels a lot better. What did you do?"
Sandpaper Sally, "I picked the scabs...."
To the bartender he asks, "where can a guy have some fun around here?"
Bartender, "well, there's a ***** house a couple blocks down, just don't get sandpaper sally."
"hmmm, i might just do that."
Man has a couple more drinks and decides to head to the whorehouse. He rings the bell and asks for a lady for the night. "all we've got is sandpaper sally"
Man thinks a minutes and says, "____ it...i'll take her"
so they're going at it and he yells, "damn that hurts"
Sandpaper Sally gets up, leaves for a minutes and comes back and they go back at it.
Man, "oh wow, that feels a lot better. What did you do?"
Sandpaper Sally, "I picked the scabs...."
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SL Member
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,140
From: Bowling Green, KY
Two blondes....looking at each other across a raging river:
The first blonde says: "How do I get to the other side!?"
The second blonde thinks for a minute.....then says:
"You ARE on the other side!!"
The first blonde says: "How do I get to the other side!?"
The second blonde thinks for a minute.....then says:
"You ARE on the other side!!"
Senior Member
Balliztik
SL Member
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 9,538
From: Washington
Besie and Mabel decide to goto the Alanta zoo.........theya re a couple of southern gals.....you know the kind........with hips from hither to yonder........well they go and they are looking at all the animals when they get to the gorrilla cage.......well the big old guy looks at Mabel and pounds his chest and rips wide the bars and pulls old Mabel in and starts going at her...........well this goes on for about 2 hours.........the zoo keepers finally get the gorrilla sedated and get him of poor old Mabel..........they rush her to the hospital..........all the while Besie is jsut watching in horror at what just happend to her dear friend.Well days go by and the doctors finally let Besie into see poor Mabel.........Besie finds Mabel there crying hysterically and asks her what is wrong and does she need a doctor..........Mabel replys.........He don't call......he dont write..............
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 658
A guy and blonde are sitting in a bar watching the 6 o'clock news and there is a story going on about a women who is going to jump off of a bridge so the the guy leans over and says to the blonde "hey lady i betcha $100 she jumps" the lady says "your on" so they watch the news it finishes and turns out the lady jumps so the guy walks over to the blonde and says "listen lady i'm sorry i can't take your money i saw the 5 o'clock news already and i knew she was gonna jump" so the blonde goes "i did too but i didn't think she would do it again" lol ahahaha
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,332
From: Los Angeles
A man had box seat tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man
comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No," he says. "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would
have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in
the world, and not use it?"
The first man says, 'Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was
supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first
Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married."
"Oh .. I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find
someone else, like a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the
seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral.
comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No," he says. "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would
have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in
the world, and not use it?"
The first man says, 'Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was
supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first
Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married."
"Oh .. I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find
someone else, like a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the
seat?"
The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral.