So my boyfriend and I were in the car last night and he said "hey babe dont be mad but my ex is coming to my grandparents for xmas." i was like "what? why" and he said his mom invited her over because shes like the daughter they never had and the mom has presents for her. So I told him that was rude and made me feel like his mom doesnt like me. He said she does.

My boyfriend and the girl dated for 5 years and broke up a year ago. I understand that theres history there and the parents probably do love her but they need to realize that hes not with her anymore. If you have gifts for the ex then you do it on a seperate time. Take her to lunch or something. WHy would they invite her over for xmas when im going to be there??

My boyfriend didnt get her gift and he said his mom didnt get her a gift for him to give her or anything.

Part of me doesnt want to go but then i feel like she wins if i dont go. But i dont want to put my boyfriend in a bad situation though if I was him Id be like "WTF MOM WHY ARE YOU INVITING MY EX OVER WHEN MY NEW GF IS COMING." So im thinking of having a talk with him and telling him I really need him to be there for me and be my side that day. Im not going to tell him not to talk to her while shes there but tell him that its really difficult for me.

Theres no reason his mom shouldnt like me. past boyfriends parents loved me and my friends parents love me...Its weird how my boyfriends parents dont seem to like me. They talk to me but they dont seem to think im the best for him for whatever reason. Maybe its cuz im a city girl and hes a small town guy. I dont know. :-(


What do you guys think I should do?

 

well its up to you BF to tell his mom that she shouldn't have invited his EX thats his Ex for a reason. I feel your pain.. but at the same time... mom could just be testing you out... go enjoy your self.. don't pay much attention to his ex being there.. your bf is with you so don't act in a way thats going to make him wonder if your a crazy jealous new girlfriend.

 

That's unbelievable and flat out wrong! How dare his mother do such a thing!

I'm seriously leaning towards you just excusing yourself from the occasion, clearly stating that you'd be uncomfortable but I can see what you're saying about letting her "win". Well, not so much "win" (unless she's after your boyfriend) but just the fact that you'll be home, wondering. Wondering if everyone is having a blast without you, wondering if there is some warm, fuzzy old memories being remembered by your boyfriend and the ex.

I think it's crappy of your boyfriend to allow such a thing to go on, I think it's insensitive, moronic and wrong of his mother to do such a thing and b*tchy that his ex would go along with such a thing.

ACK< MY KEYBOARD IS SCREWY>>> BE BACK IN A BIT< RESTART COMPUTER>

 

....So it's like he was dating his sister? I think you may have bigger concerns....

 

Wow...um I wouldn't want to be there...uncomfortable...What is your bf's mom thinking? Sounds like she's trying to get rid of you! Did you bf's mom get anything for you?

 

In a situation like this, you need to be looking out for YOUR best interests. If you do not feel comfortable with the situation, and I can assure you I would not feel comfortable if I were in the same situation, then you need to express that to your BF. He needs to be the one that expresses displeasure with his family for doing such a thing. If he does not see any harm in it, then you need to express YOUR side of the situation. If the situation does not change, then it would be in your best interests to avoid the BF's family Christmas affair (sorry, poor choice of words, I know) until the ex is gone.
You can explain the situation as this:
You do not want to feel discomfort by being put into this particular situation. You also do not want your BF to feel discomfort when spending time with his family around the holidays. Also, you do not want anyone to feel a tension in the air, which is certain to exist in such a situation. The scenario is not going to be comfortable for anyone, especially you and your BF. Express to him that you trust him, even around an ex, and that you will spend YOUR Christmas time with him after she is gone.
If everyone is true to one another, it can only make the bond between the two of you stronger. Either way, I believe it is entirely out of line for his family to do such a thing. If he has any respect for your feelings at all, he should express dissatisfaction with his family's actions. If I were in your BF's place, I would be by YOUR side and avoid the parents' house until I knew the ex was gone.
Good luck. It will all work out for the best.

 

Okay, now that I can type normally, lol...

I agree with Macavely when he says it's up to your boyfriend to straighten this up with his mother. It's shocking that his mother would do this in the first place, but whatever. I can tell you'll have a smashing good time with her in the future.

I think your boyfriend's willingness to correct this problem will speak volumes on how much he values the relationship and cares for you. He's already an azz for telling you about this, as though you had no feelings or say in the matter.

I guess there really are no right answers that I can come up with. I think the way he handles this situation is an important "bump in the road" for you guys. I hope that no matter what happens, you'll come out of it okay and don't have to endure an uncomfortable Christmas, heartache and such.

 

Sock her in the face. J/k don't do that. I think u should tell him how you feel about the situation. And if he says I don't see what's wrong with it, then I think you should re-evaluate you and ur BF's relationship. I think you should just go and have fun and just forget that she's there. And remember this, he's YOUR BF NOT her's.

 

Shes his EX, you really have nothing to worry about, unless he does something to make you worry. If he does, then really he would be no loss anyways.

Go and enjoy xmas, you may even find that you like her and get along just fine. Unless you know her already, dont start to think bad things of her.

Shes there because they knew each other for 5 years, she came very friendly and it seems to me that she became part of the family. Even tho your BF and her are not together anymore, does not mean that his mom/grandparents should ignore her at this time of year.

Its the time of gatherings, some of the people we gather around this time of year we dont like, but we do it because its what you do.

Go and have fun, show her whos BF he really is and maybe, just maybe you will like her and things will be great

Goodluck

 

just show her what she aint got anymore...rub it in..thats always fun twords the exs....got to luv doin it.....specially if they are having a crappy life since the split up...hehe..been there..done that.YESH!!!!

 

Dont go. Lay it out flat. You dont feel comfortable about it. So, are they going to keep inviting her every year? I mean come on.

 

Christmas Chaos... I really like the 4th of July alot more

 

that's crazy!!! I would tell your bf to make a choice.

He either needs to stand up to his mom and have her correct the problem, or pick whether he wants to be with you or with the ex.

I suspect that 'mom' is testing you, and honestly, a meddling (dare i say manipulative?) mother in law can mean big problems.

 

What the hell!!! There is no way I would put up with that from my mom. Your BF needs to tell her to have the ex come over before or after you are there.

If my mother had done that I would tell her to have fun hanging out with my ex, because I am not going to be there.

There is no excuse for that kind of manipulation from a parent. Even if they hate you, it's not their choice who their son is dating.

 

if i was the bf i would be embarassed..

 

^^no doubt~!

 

That seriously sucks. I think you'd be wiser to go ahead and go, even though its going to be miserable. I think by going and not letting it phase you, you will be showing the fam that you are cool with your man and trust him. Also you will show your man that you trust him and how much of a lady you are. I agree with Rallying, rub it in how much happier he is with you and not fighting with her...

Or just stay home with a pint. Either Haagen Dazs or Guiness.

 

I think you need to tell him you don't want him around her. If he is making up excuses about it then he still wants to see her. He should be trying to avoid her and should be the one not wanting to be there. He should be be telling his mom to make a choice him or the ex. Remember there needs to be comunication between you and him. Hope this helps.

 

tell him you really like army guys from fort lewis lol

 

i had something typed i removed it, all i can say is best of luck to a crap situation.

hmm i think i should start a poll "whos mom is a retard"...