Why do vampires drink blood? Because rootbeer make him burp!

 

How do you make a little box?









With little boards.

 

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding
anniversary on the beach in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic
tranquility had long been the talk of the town. "What a peaceful & loving
couple". The local
newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy
marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America,"
explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip
down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my
wife's
horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse
and quietly said, "That's once." We
proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again, this time causing
her to drop her water bottle.

Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice".
We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled
for a third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and
shot the horse dead.

I shouted at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman!
Why did you shoot the poor animal like that? Are you crazy??"

She looked at me, and quietly said, "That's once".
And from that moment... we have lived happily ever after

 

why does a chicken coupe have 2 doors????


















if it had four doors it would be called chicken sedan...

 

I thought this thread was called post your bad jokes here, whats with all the funny ones?

 

some finds 'em bad, some finds 'em good

it just all depends on how you look at it...

 

I love that donkey joke!

 

A guy walks into a bar and says "ouch"



Two guys walk into a bar, You'd think the second would have: Seen it coming/ Ducked/ Gone around

A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder and the bartender says "Hey, that's pretty neat, where'd you get it" The parrot says "In Africa, there's millions of 'em there." (Hey, the thread's called "...Bad Jokes..." right?)

 

What do you call an Middle Eastern guy flying a plane?
















(Guess before you get to the end.)















NO! A pilot you racist!

didnt see that commin did ya?

 

here's one. a bit offensive, but....

if you had a race between 2 lesbians and 2 ___ guys, who would win?



the lesbians. while the ___ guys are back home packing their crap, the lesbians are doing 69 all the way....

that's probably one of the worst ones i know.

 

i don't get it

 

A mother and her 5 yr old son were flying Southwest Airlines from
Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes.

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy walks to the galley and asks the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "Yes, she did.... "

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because
Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."

 

a wealthy older guy is having dinner with his wife at a nice restaurant when a young hottie comes over to the table, says hello to him and kisses him on the cheek and walks away. the wife asks who it was. the guy admits that she was his mistress.

the wife goes off on him and threatens to divorce him if he won't give her up. he responds, "fine, but remember that we have a prenuptual agreement which protects my assets with no provisions regarding being faithful". he reminds her she will lose access to the cabin in aspen, the penthouse in NY and the beachfront in malibu and all of the other benefits of wealth.

just then, another of his wealthy friends enters the restaurant with a young woman on his arm and they wave to one another. the wife asks, "who is that with william?" the husband responds, "that's HIS mistress." his wife thinks for a minute and says....
"oh, ours is much cuter".

 

greatest thread...ever.


How do you get an elephant to tie a bow tie? you take the letter F out of the word way.





edit..
so i'm at work relaying these jokes to the other salesman, and we've come up with a new rule for the jokes where you have to give a response...like the one i just posted. you have to answer within 3 secs, or you don't get to know the punch line. i swear half the people i told the middle eastern pilot joke to, just stood there thinking, so they wouldn't look racist. you can't over think it...it's a joke dammit

 

I dont get it....at all could you please explain

 

I know this joke is stolen from the last page....but my ending is better... lol

A lady bought a new Lexus. It cost a bundle.
Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.
"Madam", said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"
She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused.
She looked at the radio and said "Nelson."
The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?"
Soon, she was traveling down the highway to the sounds of "On The Road Again."
The lady was astounded. If she wanted Bach or Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.
At a traffic light, her light turned green and she pulled out.
Just then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw two young boys run into the intersection!
She swerved and narrowly missed them.
She yelled out the window, "Fu@!ing Kids!"


And the radio started playing.....
















Michael Jackson

 

A penguin walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and asks, "Hey, you seen my brother?" The bartender looks at him and says, "I don't know... what's he look like?"

 

Or the punchline the way I know it is:

The lesbians, 'cause the guys are just pokin' around but the lesbians get their lickity split.

 

now that truely is a bad joke or punchline...