I know it' just wrong but still...

 

Im not racist, but the jokes never get old!

 

bump?

 

three POWs in a jungle camp. the warden says he'll let them go free if they can go out into the jungle and pick out ten pieces of his favorite fruit. but he doesent tell them what it is. he says they have to figure it out. so they go off. the first one returns with an armfull of 10 apples. the warden says "not my favorite, but ill give you one more chance. if you can take these 10 apples up yer ___, without making so much as a whimper. your a free man" the prisoner agrees and bends over. 1 apple up, 2.., 3.. at the 4th apple he lets out a tinny whine and the warden shoots him in the head. the POW dies and goes to heaven. the second POW comes back with 10 blueberries. the warden says, "not my favorite." and offers him the same deal he gave the last guy. so he bends over..1 blueberry up, 2..,3..,4..at the 9th blueberry he lets out a giggle. the warden shoots him in the head. he dies and goes to heaven. in heaven he sees the first POW, who says to him "Man, i was watching you, you almost made it!! why did you have to giggle!?" the second POW replies "I couldnt help it, i looked up and saw the third guy running in with 10 Pineapples!!"

 

 

my thread LIVES!!!!

best joke i've read in a long time!!!

 

There was once a bus conductor, and he had really bad anger management problems, One day a woman on the bus refused to pay the fare. Well, the bus conductor got so angry he killed her. He was tried and sentenced to death by the electric chair.

The day for his execution came, and they took him out of his cell and brought him to the chair. The guard said, "Have you any last requests?"

The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."

So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.

"Are you ready?" they asked.

"Yes," he said.

And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.

The guards rewired the chair and tested it a few times, and it worked perfectly. They brought the man back and said, "Have you any last requests?"

The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."

So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.

"Are you ready?" they asked.

"Yes," he said.

And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.

Well, the guards bought a brand new electric chair. This one was amazing: leather seats, gold-plated armrests studded with rubies, the works. It was an incredible sight.

They brought the man back and asked, "Have you any last requests?"

The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."

So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.

"Are you ready?" they asked.

"Yes," he said.

And they hit the switch. And nothing happened.

Now, in this particular state, there was a law that if someone survived the electric chair three times, he must be set free. So the man was released, and as soon as he stepped out of the prison, the press was all over him. He walked through the crowd and the flashing cameras until he saw a small man who asked, "Have you discovered some miraculous phenomenon of unripe green bananas?"

"No," he replied, "I've just always been a bad conductor."

 

^^ that joke was so bad that i couldnt stop laughing

 

wow, just when you think you reached a plateu in the bad joke world, someone comes along and raises the bar to new heights of badness. truly suited for this post, and thanks for keeping it going..........




...............gawd that was awful!

 

Man I loves this thread and I can finnaly post in it so here it goes:

Their was a statue of a Boy and Girl in the middle of central park and a Ferrie came down, brought them to life and said they can expirience life but only for thirty minutes.
So in an excited rush they run behind the bushies and sart breathing heavy and the bushies start to rattle. After fifteen minutes they came out covered in sweat and breathing heavy. So the Ferrie giggles and tells them they still have Fifteen minutes if they want to give, what ever it is they were doing another try.

So the girl turns to the boy and says ok so this time you hold the Piegon down while I Poop on its head!

 

Two sausages are in a pan; one look over to the other and says man its hot in here and the other one say holy crap a talking sausage

The Famous one: What did the fish say when he hit the wall




Dam!

 

hahaha dam now thats a good one

 

talking sausage!!!!

 

http://www.twosents.net/blog/archives/003020.php

hahah

 

that's one of the funniest things I've seen in a while.

 

the bestestestest badestestest worstestestest joke of the week right there

must say that was pretty bad haha

 

Q:Why did Snoop Dogg buy an umbrella?













A:Fo Drizzle!!

 

fo drizzle!!!

 

this been floating around for the longest time so enjoy it again

Thanks, to all of you:

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, anda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you, too, for all the endless advice Andy Rooney, George Carlin and Robin Williams has given us. I can live a better life now because they told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car
because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 seconds, a large dove with diarrhea from avian flu will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second
husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

 

^^
________
Rolls-Royce Phantom Iv