I think it is the winner!

 

lol, the same can be said about other cultures.....

 

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

Two old men, one a retired professor of psychology and the other a retired professor of history and their wives had a two week stay at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting around on the porch of the hotel watching the sun set. The history professor asked of the psychology professor, "BTW, have you read Marx?' The professor of psychology replied, 'Yeah, I think it's the wicker chairs.'

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

 

first two went over my head and the last one was funny

 

the first two must meet the criteria of the thread....because if you have to explain them they ain't funny.
1. transcendental meditation (meditating) vs. transcend dental medication.
2. Have you red marks? vs. have you read Marx?. hence the reply "yeah, probably from the wicker chairs".

btw...were you close to your family?...don't you dare answer "oh, about a block away".

 

WOW!! :?

 

Why was the Tomato red???








































Because it saw the salad Dressing!!!

 

thats funnly bad

 

So a rope walked in to a bar, and the bartender said to him you cant be in here we dont serve ropes.

So the rope walked out side and mixed his hair up and tied him self into a knot and walked back in and the bartender yelled arent you the rope I just through out and he replied


Nope Frayed Knot!

 

yo mama is sooooooo black......when the cops shot at her....the bullets came back for flashlites!!!!

 

Was that from the YOMamma show

 

nah i heard dat once on "in living color"
how bout this one.......
yo momma is soooooooo fatttt.....she ties her belt on wit a boomerang!!!!

 

This was posted cus I am not a mod and I cant controll what people say !

 

I love this thread and I dont want it to get locked so if people could help clean it up I would appreacate it

 

Don't know if these were said already or not.

So 2 gorgeous girls(Tanya and Jenny) go into a porno theater. They sit down and a few minutes later a guy walks in and sits next to Tanya. The movie starts and everyone is quiet and "enjoying" the film.

Tanya leans over to Jenny and says, "The guy next to me is jerking off." So Jenny tells her not to worry about it and ignore him. So she does.

A few more minutes pass and Tanya says to Jenny, "This guy is still jerking off." So Jenny says, "Big deal its a porno theater just leave him alone." Tanya replies, "He's using my hand."

----------------

You hear about the girl who molested a Lawn Gnome?

Police charged her with Statue-tory rape.

----------------

A guy goes to the doctor because he is having pain in his elbow. The doc tells him of a machine he has where the guy can pee in a cup, the machine analyzes it and it tells him exactly what is wrong.

Out of sheer amazement and curiousity, the guy does what the doctor says. He runs the cup of pee in the machine and tells the guy he has tennis elbow.

So the guy is baffled as to how it works, but accepts it. Then a few weeks later he goes back to the doctor and complains about the pain getting worse. He runs his urine again and tells him the same thing.

Now the guy is ticked. He is sure the machine doesn't work and the doctor is just screwing him out of cash. He takes a cup and has his Wife, daughter, son and dog pee in it, then he jerks off in it to throw the doc off.

He goes to the doctor and tells him it's acting up again and that he already filled a sample cup so he could save time. The doctor takes it into the room with the machine and a few minutes later comes out.

Doctor: "Well, I have the results. Your wife has high cholesterol, your daughter is pregnant, your son is smoking large amounts of pot, your dog has worms, and if you don't stop jerking off that tennis elbow will never heal."

 

its gonna get worked on i promiss that!!!

 

here's a bad one.

why couldn't the grim reaper get his wife pregnant?





......because he didn't have a halloweenie.

 

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on
her
night stand by the bed. He began to worry.
" Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then"? he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no ! !" she answers.
"Well, who in the heck is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery."

 

A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger, purchased a
piece of timberland. There was a large tree on one of the highest
points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of
her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top
she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to
escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many
splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to the
nearest doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist and how she
came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with
great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he
would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor e-appeared.
The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then
told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the EPA, the Forest Service
and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth
timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but they turned me down."

 

Why did Steve Irwind like sunblock so much?





He liked to catch KILLER RAYS!