I can see how you would bring that out in people.

 

yeah um I think your wife/ex needs some anger management and yeah...

 

I wouldn't stay in a relationship with a violent person. I can't imagine any circumstance that would warrant such a thing.

ESPECIALLY if children are involved.

 

thanks bud!

 

^^seriuosly, you guys need help

 

Why?

Why:

- fear of being alone
- fear of being hit to death
- fear of not being loved
- blindnessnot seeing what's going on
- not WANTING to see what's going on

etc etc

there is no rational thinking in such a situation

 

In that situation, the person being abused has one simple question to ask:

Is this what I want my child to learn is "normal" behavior?

If not, then a remedy must be sought. If she won't seek therapy, you have to get the authorities involved so that you can start documenting this for the courts. It's ugly, but it beats the alternative of the child learning that's how relationships work.

 

- a woman should never strike a man (unless self defense)

- a man should never strike a woman (unless self defense)

- anytime you hit someone with a force that is unneccesary its no longer self defense

- PMS is not an excuse for the genders to never be equal. I would gladly take on PMS in exchange for a few more years on my life expectancy. Women live longer but have PMS while men die sooner but dont have PMS for example.

- "i was brought up to respect women" has very little to do with this argument. If a woman hits me, she has disrepected me, so why should i respect her (since legally i dont really have to anymore). If i went around hitting women for no reason then thats disrepectful, but returning a punch is not.

And let me just add in here that i have been hit by 2 women (not including flirtacious wrestling WOOOHOO!). The first girl punched me in the face pretty hard so you bet i decked her right back. she then left. The only reason i hit her is because i thought of her as an equal...so i never thought twice about it.

The second girl slammed my fingers in the locker hard enough to bruise 4 fingers and chip my fknuckle a bit. So i went to the schools office and they were just gonna give her a few detentions and talk to he ra bit. I was like "no, you are calling the police and having them come arrest her". They tried to convince me it was a school matter and shes was just a girl who got a little frustrated and that i must have 'edged her on'. So i said "If you dont call the police i am" and they tried to stop me. And i took out my cellphone and called the cops and sure enough they came and i had her arrested for battery.

the only reason i would hit a girl back is because i think of them as equals...and im defending myself of course

but id rathe rbe the better human being and call the police.

 

then answer me this:

what if the person you date becomes your fiance then becomes your wife. then a couple years down the road you have a kid, and then she starts violently attacking you, on a at least weekly basis(and she won't seek therapy).

you kick your wife out?
you kick your child's mother out?
Do you just keep taking the hits?
Do you press charges, and send them to jail?

she's not violent to our child, and i don't think she will be. But would you break up a parenting couple for a child? my son is 4, and we can all agree growing up with only 1 parent there at a time is tramatic and it will greatly reduce that child's emotional, and intellectual development doing so.

 

i'd send them to jail. or push court ordered therapy. they need to learn something in their dense little head where beating on people is NOT right and will NOT be tolerated.

you can live single , you wife ant beat you if she's in jail , she could turn violent towards the child at any time , it's a bad example to show a child.


i'd have to say living with my parents (stayed together for whatever reason) who have hated each other for years , fought , yell , scream , leave it's worse and i';m worse off than most friends I have who grew up with only one parent.

 

While those are all great examples of excuses for staying in an abusive relationship, they really show a person who THEMSELVES is not ready to be in a relationship.

If you need a man or a woman to feel validated/loved/etc, you don't need to be in a relationship period. You need to seek counseling. I'm currently single because I dated someone who seemed to display those traits. I did not want to date someone who "needed" me.

It's important for people who feel that way to get some sort of professional help. Otherwise, they will continue to date abusive men. God forbid they should have children who'll grow up to think such a relationship is the norm...

 

get married, and tell me you'd send your wife to jail(plus for what? a woman hitting a man gets like 30days in jail? if that? please...). and it's not that i'm scared of my wife, she's 5'2" and i'm 6'4".

really, someone responding to that question that isn't married nor has children is dumb anyway, because they can't relate.

 

You have to consider your son. He's going to grow up thinking that this normal, and since men marry women that closely resemble their mothers, consider that. If it were me, I'd inform her that this type of nonsense ends right now. She has to go to therapy, and anymore violence would result in the police showing up. However, based upon some of your previous posts, you might want to, ahem, clean up the home a bit before the man comes visiting, and perhaps loan some stuff out. But you have to get the authorities involved so that you can get custody.

 

Then why ask the question? Clearly by your response, the only person who can relate is someone who is going through a similar situation.

However, the best thing to do would be to get out of that situation. So there wouldn't be that many people in your situation to comment in the first place.

Your comment shows me that you're in some sort of denial about the severity of your situation. That's not good.

 

Wow. I am really happy with how heavy this thread is getting.

I love debates.

~Stephanie

 

I thought it could be answered by someone using their brains, I'm not sure since, there are those that just throw out answers disregarding a child's welfare, which should always be number 1.

I agree, I can talk about violence openly because I learned about it from a young age. I know plenty about spousal abuse because I experienced it. I do think if you are "just dating" some guy/girl that already starts hitting you, or has a violent temper and must break things because they can't think things through, you shuold leave that **** immediately and should advise them to get counceling.

I'll tell my friends about stuff, relatively non-schalauntly because it doesn't do huge things to me. I'll show them bruises and cuts and marks, and they think "good god", but i'm relatively used to it because of how i grew up and can talk about it. My little wife who i tower over, coming at me hitting me, is almost comical if you saw it in a boxing ring, or if she was a little boy hitting a much larger boy. Ever had a little child hit you? Is it soo traumatic?

But violence in a relationship where you're married, or have children is different.
Would anyone here, after being with your significant other for 10+ years, leave immediately if you were slapped once? Probably not. And what's the reason? Because we forgive the ones we love.

 

It's only comical till she picks up a knife and whacks off your manhood in the middle of the night and tosses it out the window into a meadow.

Your son is learning what you learned: that violence is just a natural part of a loving relationship, when in fact it is very not natural. Is that what you want?

 

While a little boy hitting his dad may seem comical, that shouldn't be allowed either. I would NEVER raise my hand to my parents, and when I was a kid, any attempt to do so would have been curbed very quickly...

Had I continued to raise my hand, I think that would have been a cause for concern.

My parents have been married for almost 27 years. I have no doubt that if my dad was violent, my mom would leave in a heartbeat. Once should be enough to create the seed of change. More than once, maybe you should try counseling. An ongoing thing? Time to leave.

 

Very true. I would rather my child learn that he/she has to make better choices in relationships and know when something is right or wrong than to learn violence and inevitably become an abussee or an abuser.

About 99.99% of psychologist will tell you "dont stay in a bad relationship because of a child". The child will become more damage witnessing a bad relationship than if they had to rotate between parents.

 

ok maybe not jail but liek i said . press charges and then do so just so as that she would get court ordered behavioral therapy.

never said you particularly are or would be scared of your wife.

and just because some one is ot in your shoes does not mean that they cannot relate.