Agreed

 

Growing up with one parent isn't tramatic. (I know.) I'm guessing I'd be a very different person if my parents had stayed together.

I rock, now.

No doubt you're thinking about the kid, which is fine... but imagine how this will play out:

a) You walk. Mom gets therapy and tries to change. Kid has 2 parents again.
b) You walk. Mom doesn't, and goes on her merry way. Kid has 1 parent, sad at first, but will be okay.
c) You stay. Mom is violent. Kid grows up around violence. Either becomes violent, or a pushover.

Either way, when kids are involved - any social worker given a tip will remove the kids from a violent household, and that's it - period.

 

So that's what that sound was....

So many good things said... I don't like how today's society is leaning towards women favoritism, or at least seems to be. It's like women can lie and lie and get away with it. Of course this is not the case all the time, and most of the women that have called the cops do tell the truth... but there is always the case of the nutbag.
For example, I was married, and because I said that I was fed up with the crap and told her to leave, she became extremely upset because I "lied" (said I'd never leave) and she now had a child (which I learned was NOT mine) with no help to take care of the child (not my child = no child support). But because she was upset she called the authorities and the Navy (which was my current employer) and told them that I chased her around the house with a butchers knife and that I had beat her repeatedly. I would have been arrested, but I was in another country on deployment. It turns out, it was all a lie and I was in the clear.

But I do agree with C... Karma. It applies for both men and women.
I will never strike a woman... but I will push her or move her - If she is in my way of me leaving a hostile situation, I am going to move her - preferrably without hurting her, but if she trips and falls, I'll say sorry and walk away. It's better that then having something get broken - either material or physical.

It's not right to hit... in either sex, but it happens. I do not believe that this makes any of a monster (again, agreed with C). But I do think that how we react tells alot about who we are and helps "mold" us to be who we will be. You take that how you want...

 

there's possible 12-15 IQ point gain growing up with a mom&dad, versus just a mom. I imagine on average, just having just a dad is worse.

my parent's separated when i was 9, divorced when i was 12. what kind of effect that had on me is hypothetical.

it's all hypothetical, but i think a child perceiving growing up in stable mom/dad household is beneficial.

 

Well damn... if I have an IQ now of 136 with just a mom, would I be like hella smart if they had both been around?
Where did you get that? My GF had both parents, and she is not any smarter than I...

Maybe watching your parents (mom or dad) will decrease your IQ... you should think about that.

 

I edited my post above, but I'll post it here (for bump sake).

Violent in any way != stable. Especially regular violence.

For me, it gave me a different perception on relationships, and now I'm nearing certain milestones my parents were at when they got divorced, etc... but that's really all it is - new perception. It's not tragic, it's just different.

What is tragic is the statistics - of course you don't want to be one but some people don't like to be run over by cars either - it just happens. You have to take what you know and make the best choice for yours and your kid's future.

 

IQ, as long as it's a normal range, is irrelevant to Emotional Intellegence. Google the term, you might be surprised.

 

Just so I understand what you are saying...
if there is violence around the child, no matter what the circumstance, the child will grow up to be stable??? The more violence, the better or more stable???

I could have read that wrong, but that's what it seems like you are saying.

 

Thank you!

 

Sorry Stephanie... it seems that your thread got jacked and now it's onto parenting...

 

BTW, I'd be really interested in learning how those studies controlled for single parents living at or near the poverty line, where so much goes into just getting through the day, meals are missed, and sleep times are random.

 

Seattle, I feel for you, dude. I'll try to keep this from becoming "UV7's Life Story", but here goes.
I grew up with an estranged mother who would run out of control very often, and turned violent towards my father on a regular basis. My father traveled a great deal on business, which left me with my mother the majority of the time. I witnessed my parents physically fighting on a weekly basis. I witnessed my mother attempt to bash my father's head in with various inanimate objects such as plates, pans, vases, etc., regularly. I grew up hating my existence, hating my life, and hating who I was, because I had to endure this on a consistent basis. I hated me because I hated them.
My estranged mother turned her violence on me when I was 15. My father was out of town and I had gotten into trouble at school. My mother and I had an argument that ended in disaster. My mother attempted to stab me with a steak fork off the counter in a fit of rage. Luckily for me, she missed and I ran. Since my father was gone and no one else saw it, no one believed me.
I left home at 18 and ended up with a son to a woman who possessed similar issues to my mother's. She became violent towards me and others in public. I never laid a hand on her. Again, I left, and with her, I left my son.
I got my life straight and realized that it wasn't me that I hated, but everything I allowed myself to become a part of. Today, I have the best woman a man could ever want. She is loving and trustworthy, and backs me in everything I choose to do. She allows me to commit 110% of myself in whatever I choose and puts up with my hours of time in the garage and on my guitars. We have custody of my son, who is now 10. I was able to get custody of him 4 years ago, and he was as troubled as I was when I was a kid. After spending the last 4 years of his life in a "better" environment, he has blossomed into an excellent kid. He plays football for a local league, has straight A's, is in all honors classes, and has been nominated for a program call Duke University Talent Search, where Duke University provided extracurricular activities to exceptional students.
To this day, I have little respect for my parents, who I feel did NOTHING for my growth as a human being. The only thing I can accredit them is my independence. After living in Hell for so many years, you'd be independent too. Believe it or not, my father and mother are STILL married even though she is in dire need of a padded cell and a straightjacket.

 

I understand growing up in Brazil. One of my best friends is brazilian. It just seems like you wouldnt put up with something like that and I was kind of shocked to see that you did not do anything about it.

If you say he saw the errors in his ways then perhaps he can improve himself.

 

In fact now I wouldn't put up with it. Hopefully the 3rd is the charmed one. My first bf was a jerk. He found every excuse to do what he wished whether it was verbal physical emotional whatever. He dumped me. lol it's hilarious but anyway I promised myself I'd never let that happen again. Then I met the brazilian heart break and he only touched me once in a way I didn't like. If I was able to forgive my first bf for 9 consecutive months, one time (in which there was regret on the guy's part) was nothing.

Now hopefully with my future thrid bf things will be more peaceful.

 

did you ever think that it was you who had the problem and not them?

*ducks and covers

lol, jk seriously jk

 

seriously, the popular vote is no, never hit a girl unless life or death yadda yaddda yaaada. girls shouldn't hit guys either (pu$$ies they don't hit that hard lol, jk).

there is a breaking point though when enough is enough and girls need to respect that in guys in that while we hate to admit it, we have feelings and emotions and are just as prone to rash decisions under stress that girls are. i know we don't have a monthly disorder but we should be entitled to occasional irrationality.

i consider myself a pretty laid back guy and let stress just roll off my back and never want to hit my gf, but there have been times when she had seriously pushed me at the very wrong times that i just had to lock myself in my room to protect her from me, and i haven't been in a fight since middle school.

the point is that men and women are equals to the point that we are both humans, no better or worst than one another and should remember to do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

:-) INCREASE THE PEACE!:-)

there is already enough violence in the world...

 

I have been in a relationship with physical abuse... and another with emotional abuse... I never have or will react with the same abuse... nor will I allow myself to stay in another relationship with the like. Unfortunately, it has scarred me for life and anybody I may date from then on will have some effects from it...

Here's my story:

I was with this guy for 4 years (and yes call me retarded.. ) but it was 4 years of hell. Constant lies, manipulating, and cheating... yet if I ever even thought of leaving, he would threaten me... said he wouldn't hurt me physically, but he would go after things/people I loved or cared about, including my family. He did however push me forcefully, and had his hands around my neck one night til I screamed and the other guys there ran in the room and threw him off of me...

Not only did I have abuse from him, but his little psycho ___ gf/wife coming after me too (ahhh yes the story gets better, he ended up marrying her cuz she was about to have his baby... lied to me about it of course... and yes call me even more stupid)

Once I found out he married her, I packed up and left without telling him.... moved 1500 miles away.

Karma works... I know he came running back to me months later (well, called) begging me to let him come live with me cuz he was miserable and realized how good I treated him...


So here's some food for thought... what's worse... physical or emotional abuse?



(there's alot more to that story... but I tried to keep as short as possible)

 

Sorry to hear that girl.

To answer yr question: they are both just as bad. Physical you will have $hit that reminds you of him for a good while (I got 2 cracked ribs and when I have trouble breathing it's kinda hard not to think of who gave me that). Emotional is just as bad that's what makes you act in a certain way with yr future lovers. Its not unusual to cry during/after intimate moments because of memories.

So both are bad to deal with.

I'm glad we got smarter ;)

 

oh def. for being with an animal for so long I was an idiot. And I blame mainly myself.
thnx for reminding me of my idioticity lol

 

Yea I def do the same thing C... after I had moved, I started dating this guy and I would cry a lot over any little thing that reminded me of my ex... and my bf couldn't understand why until I told him... fortunately the physical abuse wasn't as serious as yours, no cracked ribs or anything, but your right... yay for us being smarter...