^ You got that right! We have friends who will cook an entirely different meal for EACH of their THREE kids almost every night to accomidate their wishes. Our son eats what my wife makes us...period. And to this day he has never been a picky eater.

 

OMG, I can't believe I'm aggreing with dave here! But absolutely, 100%, take it to the bank, this is it.

 

I understand your logic but I have to question it. I was spanked when I was a child as well for many people on SL and according to your logic that would mean some of us learned that it was ok to hit from that. Now depending on the situation I don't think that is the case. I think it would be safe to say that would be the case for extreme or severe abusive families but even in those cases there are far deeper reasons for a child to act in such a behavior. Though in a generally normal family reasonable spanking coupled with some other form of punishment i.e. grounding or timeout (basically average punishment) would not impose a violent ideal on the child. We can ask many people on SL alone to see whether or not they were spanked and their family background and we could probably find the spanking did not cause any adverse behavior. But as with all things there are exceptions which like I said before are usually caused by far deeper trauma or reasons.

And I know I may not know everything as I'm not a parent so dont bash me for that.
(damn the was the smartest thing I’ve said all day)

 

too bad there's no "CTR-ALT-DELETE" to start that over. those parents are in for a rough ride.

 

I'll agree to that as well.

 

I'm sorry, but you really think your son doesn't learn or think abuot more than just the one thing you want him to think/realise when you're hitting him? you're kidding right?

When your boss at work, say gives you a raise, do you only think "wow i did a good job and they realise that" like they want you to? If you're smart, you could be thinking "maybe they're raising my pay because they know they're underpaying me, and they think i might know that" or "they dno't think i'm necessarily thinking i'm doing a better job, but they just don't want me to quit to go work for a competitor" or a lot of things. See people, like children don't just think one thing, they dno't just think about what they're "supposed" to think.

"hitting" is the act of physically using your body to touch another person with force.
Just because you think spanking is only "hitting on the rear", doesn't take away the "hitting" part.

if I spanked you across the face, would it not be a slap? So it's just hitting the rear buttcheeks that constitues a spank? What if I missed by a bit, and hit the thighs or the lower back, is that now a hit? does it matter?

I was spanked all the time as a child. I was hit too, and I do know the difference between being hit on the butt and being hit on the face, that doesn't mean much except that's where they chose to hit because they felt justified(or less guilty) hitting me in a particuallar area.

again by spanking a child, you teach a child it's ok to hit when someone uses their best judgement.

 

Then you punish them when they get home. IMO, this would not be the time for a spanking, but one of those creative punishments. Writing lines is a good one for something like this.

Once again, be creative. I personally don't think spanking is effective for >9 - 10 year olds (the threat of it is tho). It's completely ineffecitve past 12. You'd have to get fairly close to full on child abuse for them to feel anything at this point, it's not worth it. At this point in life, they have many things in their life that they consider precious; iPod, phone, personal space in their room, posters, clothes, etc. You ground them and take those things away.

Spanking is only effective for children < 8 or so, and it has to be done on the spot, at that the time of the foul, otherwise the connection isn't made.

 

No, I agree with your train of thought 100%. The question was meant for Dave.
Like I said, I opt to not do the spankings but rather self punishment or, like you said, creative punishment.

I wanted to see Dave's response... taking away toys can help when they are young. Getting in the way and interfering can help, but you have to be there for that.

 

Im gonna go with Matt a on this one since his children are older and I think he seems to know what has worked...Im not saying your old....just experienced!

Point is that parents are going to discipline their children how they want to. What ever it is! Find out what works with your kids and stick with it and change accoringly as they get older if needed. I for one will spank "hit" my kids if it is needed. I think I speak for all parents when i say that "hiting" spanking would be a last resort. There def has to be some sort of discipline!

 

What about the new proposed Cali law that would make it an actual crime to spank children <4 in public?

Think the government is going just a weeeeeeee bit far?

 

I think so! I can see it now......Man spanks his daughter on the hand and gets put in jail

 

Agreed.

Is a swat on the butt or hand and firm "No" considered spanking?

 

Dave,
I'm looking at this issue from the "Been there, done that" angle. My son is a teenager now so we're past the spanking phase of his life. He has become young man who I am very proud of. Dispite being spanked (or taught to hit as you call it) he has never hit anyone else in anger that I am aware of. He gets plenty of that from football and wrestling. Anyhow, my point is that he turned out OK. So have I and both of my brothers and we were spanked as a kids. All of these theories about how bad spanking is don't ever seem to hold water when you look at the finished product.
Oh, and tcTaco is 100% correct....it should always be a last resort.

 

There is nothing wrong with spanking your kids. Unless you have come up with an idea on how to reason with a 3 year old (please tell me for the future) a quick swat on the backside to let the kid know who is in charge won't hurt. I have a 16 month old, I don't spank him yet but I will give a light smack on his hand when he touches items in the house that could hurt him like the glass on the fire place or tries grabbing a cord from an electrical outlet. When he is older and acts up he will get a quick swat. I think you can go over the line, but a spanking that give a little sting will usually straighten out the kid pretty fast.

 

kids need to have corperal punnishment look how they are being braught up no punishment and no spanking turnes them into spoild f****** brats

 

yeah, you can only punish when you're there. You can only "nip-it-in-the-bud" when you're there to do it. Children will make mistakes, do something naughty when they're by themselves. When he's at daycare/preschool I can't be there to correct him, but i don't get complaints he's acting bad, just how sweet he is. I just get called when another kid bites him(like 2 weeks ago), or he gets hit by someone else. He doesn't hit back, because hitting, even in defense, or to correct someone else's behaviour hasn't taught to him.

I believe in punishing right then, right there. I'm not taking his toy away for any set period of time. If he shows me he can't act normal with toys or t.v., then me and him are playing outside, or reading or doing something positive. Instead of using negativity, or the threat of being without smoething, just the constant reenforcing of being good while being social is what should be taught. Anyone else remember all the negativity you thought about when you're staring at the corner? or in your room with no toys? or going to bed without food? you're instilling hate and negativity in them. Yes, you HOPE to teach them they don't get what they want when they act bad, but don't you remember thinking "i hate my mom/dad. they don't listen to me" when you're in corner.

My kid is far from perfect, but he's soo much better than other kids. he shares, if someone tries to take his one-player toy he doesn't like it he doesn't hand it over directly(he's only 4.) But I can correct his behaviour, and that other kids behaviour without hitting them (anywhere on their body, not the face, the hands, the butt, whatever).

Look, my kid is freaking spoiled with toys, i started buying toys the second we heard we were pregnant, but his behaviour and way he treats me, other kids, and other people's stuff is fine because I take care to show him what's right.

 

look, i was spanked as a child, I grew up fine. I was beat to hell as a child, but I grew up fine.we had corporal punishment in my school, i grew up fine, etc...

being a well adjusted individual now with a college education, a family, a child, a job i like...doesn't mean hitting/spanking isn't wrong.

Would you rather:
a) raise a well adjusted child that you hit
or
b) raise a well adjusted that you didn't ever hit

what if both could be done? why would you not pick the second one? Because your parents hit you, and you're fine, so it must be ok?

If any of you don't think you could raise a child into an awesome adult that is smarter and better off than you are without hitting them, you're not a good parent. there I said it.

 

At some point, a buddy/buddy relationship has to be replaced with a parent/child relationship, and that sometime better be well before the teen years when hormones and peers will colaborate to turn great little kids into monstorous entities that will eat all your food hate you for providing anything of value in their lives.

 

Well Dave, I hope all works well for you and your kid is just as sweet and caring as ever when he is your age. I hope that other kids don't pick on him or that he doesn't get in fights to where he cannot defend himself. Heck, I hope other kids follow your kids caring behavior. I hope...

I didn't say that physical punishment or creative punishment was needed everytime. I hope it's not. But for those that will just not learn by talking, or taking the toys away, or by grounding, other actions need to be taken.

Spanking and hitting should be the VERY VERY VERY last option...

And if you think that you are so much of a better parent because you can raise your child well without spankings while other children may very well need it, then I am sorry you feel that way. I am sorry for the parents that have the ADD children or the children that grow up to actually LIKE jail because, well it's free cable. Maybe you should have raised them all.

 

Ok....I guess my sense of humor went completly unnoticed so I will turn gloomy too.

My ex bf, grew up with his father beating up his mom and if he tried to get in front of the mom, he'd get it too. He still today has a broken knee, fractured jaw and scar marks on his back.

Now that is not even talking about excessive punishment since wanting to protect yr mom is NOT a crime.

He grew up in a ghetto in brazil, with his gang, doing drugs etc etc

So how can we define such a person?