the official scionlife joke thread!!! post 'em here
Senior Member
StyleWagons
SL Member
Scion Evolution
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,459
An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds
like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says,
"Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?" She digs around in her
purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a
warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says,
"Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross the center line back there." "Can I see your registration
please?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room
again he jumps out. This time, he's stark naked and has an erection! The old lady in the wheel
chair looks up and says, "Oh no...... not the Breathalyzer again!"
like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says,
"Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?" She digs around in her
purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a
warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says,
"Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross the center line back there." "Can I see your registration
please?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room
again he jumps out. This time, he's stark naked and has an erection! The old lady in the wheel
chair looks up and says, "Oh no...... not the Breathalyzer again!"
Senior Member
StyleWagons
SL Member
Scion Evolution
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,459
The Sausage
Larry and Bob wanted to go out drinking, but they only had $2.00
between them.
Larry said, "Hang on, I have an idea" He went next door to the butcher's
shop and spent the $2.00 on one large sausage.
Bob said, "Are you crazy??? Now we don't have any money left at all!!"
Larry replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."
They went into a pub where Larry immediately ordered two double
shots of Jack Daniels.
Bob said, "Now you've lost it! Do you know how much trouble we will be in?
We haven't got any money to pay for this!"
Larry replied, with a smile, "Don't worry - I have a plan. Cheers!"
They downed their drinks.
Larry said "OK! I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you get on your
knees and put it in your mouth."
Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth bar, Bob said, "Larry - I don't think I can do this
anymore.
My mouth is sore and my knees are killing me!"
Larry said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage after the third pub
Larry and Bob wanted to go out drinking, but they only had $2.00
between them.
Larry said, "Hang on, I have an idea" He went next door to the butcher's
shop and spent the $2.00 on one large sausage.
Bob said, "Are you crazy??? Now we don't have any money left at all!!"
Larry replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."
They went into a pub where Larry immediately ordered two double
shots of Jack Daniels.
Bob said, "Now you've lost it! Do you know how much trouble we will be in?
We haven't got any money to pay for this!"
Larry replied, with a smile, "Don't worry - I have a plan. Cheers!"
They downed their drinks.
Larry said "OK! I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you get on your
knees and put it in your mouth."
Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth bar, Bob said, "Larry - I don't think I can do this
anymore.
My mouth is sore and my knees are killing me!"
Larry said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage after the third pub
Senior Member
Fail, INC
TOCC
SL Member
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,052
From: Ico, Arkansas
yea that one sucked
three blondes trapped on an island, they trip over a bottle and out pops a genie he says "I'll grant each of you one wish" first blonde says "I wish I were 10 times smarter" poof she turns into a redhead builds a raft paddles off the island
second blonde says "I wish I were 50 times smarter" poof turns her into a brunette she builds a sailboat sails off the island
third blonde looks at the first two, thinks for a few days and says "I wish I were a million times smarter then both of them combined" poof turns her into a man and he walks across the bridge
three blondes trapped on an island, they trip over a bottle and out pops a genie he says "I'll grant each of you one wish" first blonde says "I wish I were 10 times smarter" poof she turns into a redhead builds a raft paddles off the island
second blonde says "I wish I were 50 times smarter" poof turns her into a brunette she builds a sailboat sails off the island
third blonde looks at the first two, thinks for a few days and says "I wish I were a million times smarter then both of them combined" poof turns her into a man and he walks across the bridge
Senior Member
Team XcelsiA
SL Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 6,570
From: 2002 Day Member (8-6-11)
Originally Posted by jwaj2002
yea that one sucked
three blondes trapped on an island, they trip over a bottle and out pops a genie he says "I'll grant each of you one wish" first blonde says "I wish I were 10 times smarter" poof she turns into a redhead builds a raft paddles off the island
second blonde says "I wish I were 50 times smarter" poof turns her into a brunette she builds a sailboat sails off the island
third blonde looks at the first two, thinks for a few days and says "I wish I were a million times smarter then both of them combined" poof turns her into a man and he walks across the bridge
three blondes trapped on an island, they trip over a bottle and out pops a genie he says "I'll grant each of you one wish" first blonde says "I wish I were 10 times smarter" poof she turns into a redhead builds a raft paddles off the island
second blonde says "I wish I were 50 times smarter" poof turns her into a brunette she builds a sailboat sails off the island
third blonde looks at the first two, thinks for a few days and says "I wish I were a million times smarter then both of them combined" poof turns her into a man and he walks across the bridge
Senior Member
Team XcelsiA
SL Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 6,570
From: 2002 Day Member (8-6-11)
Originally Posted by Tito_Cruz
Originally Posted by ryukenden
oh man I gotta show my girl 
Senior Member
SL Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 761
From: Coke-a-Cola, SC
Originally Posted by xSTANDxSTRONGx
Originally Posted by Tito_Cruz
Originally Posted by ryukenden
oh man I gotta show my girl
